Hey @Atlanta,
Yah that is a really difficult situation. When your teenage child doesn't follow the rules (i.e., they refuse to clean up after themselves) it makes it really difficult to parent your younger children.
I still have the household expectations in place (i.e., all my kids are expected to keep their room clean) and if they don't meet those expectation then they lose their electronics (probably not the best parenting approach, but it has been working for a while now).
We have a different situation where our son (the eldest) doesn't want to do the 'extra' chores (e.g., the dishes) because he feels its not fair (why should I do it when they don't). In this scenario I remind him that he is not a child anymore (he has more responsibilities) and that he didn't have to do these extra chores when he was their age. Again, probably not the best parenting approach, but it usually works when I raise it.
Last year my son went off the rails (missing person/drugs/delinquency etc.) and nothing I did had any influence over him. My daughters saw everything and soon realised that I was "relaxing" most of my rules (e.g., keeping your room clean was not even raised, it was more about 'how do we keep him home?'). In this scenario, though, my daughters were mature enough to realise that "he was unreasonable and mum and dad are doing everything they can") and so they didn't complain that things were unfair (well sometimes, but nothing an open conversation didn't fix).
Your situation is really tricky and I would love to hear how others have managed this?
