Need help now?

12 year old daughter

Discussion forum for parents in Australia


12 year old daughter

Hi- I have a 12 year old daughter who just recently turned 12. A few weeks ago she was on tiktok and saw an inappropriate video of two girls “together” and doing inappropriate things. Her good friend who is also a girl came out last January as being “gay” . Recently after seeing this video and her friend talking to her about all the girl crushes she has, my daughter has been so sad because she thinks she is also turning “gay”. She has so much anxiety and feels like every girl she now looks at is pretty and she feels like she is attracted to them. She never use to be like this and she is telling me she always use to think girls are pretty but after watching this video on tiktok it just made things stronger. I try to keep talking to her about it without judging her but it all boils down to her being scared that she might turn gay. I told her she is only 12 and she should not worried about that and just be worried about school and having fun. I am completely lost as to what to do but I just want my daughter to be happy again. Note: she has had major crushes on boys in 4th,5th and 6th grade. I also don’t want to make it super super big deal so she starts feeding off my anxiety as well. Please help! Should I get her in with counseling or try to resolve this at home !

Star contributor

Re: 12 year old daughter

Message contains a hyperlink

Hi @Rachel1234 , 


It's really common for young people to start questioning their sexuality, and exploring different parts of their identity. It can be quite a confusing time, especially if they're not quite sure where they 'fit', or if they're worried that their friends and family might not accept/ support them. Your daughter is still young, and the process of working out her sexuality and identity may take years. 


You've mentioned that she's said that she is scared that she might "turn gay", I'm wondering if you've asked her why she feels this way? Does she feel like there's something wrong with being gay, or is she just uncertain about working out her feelings? 


ReachOut have some great resources for parents to help to support their teenagers as they work through their sexuality and identity here. The most important thing you can do is love and support your daughter unconditionally, and let her know that there's no rush to work out exactly where she fits in. You may also find this video  and article helpful, it talks about a lot of different aspects of discovering sexuality for teenagers.  


It looks like you might be in the USA, is that right? If you're worried about your daughter's wellbeing, do you think a school counsellor might be a good place to start?  Otherwise, just letting her know that you, or another trusted adult in her life, are there for her to talk any time should help a lot. We also have a great article aimed at young people that she may like to check out here 


With her TikTok use, there are safety settings you can use to restrict kids from seeing any explicit material (I have an 11 year old daughter myself and have set this up on our device!) -it's called Family Safety Mode, there's a link here explaining how to use it here if you think that might be helpful Smiley Happy