01-07-2019 02:26 PM
Solved! Go to Solution.
01-07-2019 04:37 PM
Hey there @lizard0812,
I'm so glad to hear that the forum has been a good source of support for you.
What you're experiencing with your son sounds really difficult - must be so hard to see your son change behaviors in such a short period of time. It sounds like a super stressful time for you right now, and I hope you're getting support for yourself - through friends or family - counselling is a good option too.
One thing I will say is that his behaviors now, do not necessarily show how he will be for the next 5 years, or even the next 1 year. Whatever is happening for him now, may only be a short time response to something - managing one day at a time might be less overwhelming way.
Have you been able to talk to him about why he's behaving this way?
You can also call the parents line on 1300 1330 52 (in NSW), the full list of numbers by state is here - they are able to offer confidential support and practical advice for parents.
01-08-2019 08:29 AM
01-08-2019 10:22 PM
01-09-2019 11:17 AM
01-09-2019 02:26 PM
This is such a stressful situation for your family right now I can imagine the length of these school holidays must be so challenging when your son is home for extended periods of time without the structure of school. These 6 week holidays over summer are such long periods to watch him so carefully too- I can hear just how much these behaviors he is experiencing are taking a toll on your wellbeing too Do you have a support system you can lean on too? Friends, family or professionals? With the level of stress you are under right now, your wellbeing is super important too
Reading over your posts, I just want to acknowledge the energy and love you have given to guiding your boy towards safer choices- he is very lucky to a mum that cares to much about his wellbeing and is doing everything to find some answers. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and we will always be here when you need to chat
01-09-2019 03:32 PM
01-12-2019 02:02 AM - edited 01-12-2019 02:13 PM
My son at thirteen started similar behaviour to what you describe.
Unfortunately it has continued and he is now 16, not living at home and has a Family Violence Restraining Order against him to protect our family.
From my experience, firstly look after yourself. Keep doing things to help you remain functional and sane. It will affect you. I would recommend being honest with whomever you work directly with, your boss or direct supervisor. Keep them informed and up to date. My approach has been factual without making too much of a drama about it. I have used work as a distraction sometimes, with a focus that has increased my productivity to balance the downtime’s. Keeping your management in the dark will not assist your situation.
I would not try to hide what is going on with close friends that offer support. It is surprising when you are honest just how many friends or colleagues have had problems of some nature that they share.
For him, do nothing for him that assists, supports or reinforces the bad behaviour.
The best word is do not enable his behaviour. Do not accept any disrespect toward you. My son started being particularly unpleasant toward my wife for no apparent reason. In hindsight, she was prepared to accept too much and did not tell me of the extent he was being unpleasant. I feel this may have emboldened or empowered his early bad behaviour. Have really firm boundaries.
Put it in front of him opportunities to make better decisions, as often as you can.
When he makes a bad decision, let him take the consequences for it.
I recommend not excusing it. If you have wifi, get a device such as Parent Power, to ensure you put clear limits on access to social media etc. I feel that with my son, access to social media only fed the bad behaviour. It seemed he was sharing strategies with others he met on line.
There really is no clear strategy or road map here. So some of what I say above may work for you. Some may not. Do what works for you and feels right for your situation. Get advice and support where you can, but remember you are the subject matter expert, ie your son.
Most important of all, put your health and well-being first. If you are in good shape and remain functional, this is the best way to help him.
I keep a diary of events that had occurred with him. However, I have also started a diary of what I call the “book of good”. I write down each day, something that has made me smile, laugh or simply made me feel good. There is so much crap going on, it is important to find and focus on the laughter, fun, love and joy you can find.
All my opinion only, I hope some of this helps.
01-12-2019 09:43 AM
01-12-2019 02:31 PM
I strongly recommend finding things to do that can help you. They may only be small things, but you have to find them. If you fall apart, your ability to help and assist your son really suffers.
There are some great posts on this site for self care strategies. I would start with a short list of a few things that can cheer you up, that do not take long, but you can do daily.
A few of mine are:
I’m sure one of the moderators will point you to one of the self care topics. Good luck on this journey.
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