13 yo asking to have alcohol

[MaryLister]

My daughter has asked if she can share a single vodka cruiser with her friend at their family Halloween party. The friends mother sent me a message to say she is ok with it. Talking with my daughter, I get ‘everyone else does it’ ‘at least we’re trying to be honest and we will be supervised’ she really can’t see why I might have issue with it. Any tips?

[mum_questions]

I don't see a problem with this very modest amount of alcohol by a 13y/o and would give you a pat on the back for having the sort of relationship with your child that they can come to you. If your child is capable I would discuss with them the difference between this and a larger amount of alcohol, and social pressures etc. But I would reward her candour and trust and give a little ground here if you feel you can. I am not a professional anything-to-do-with-child-health, but that is my 2 cents. 

[mum_questions]

OH and just saw this is under "ask a professional" lol please ignore me. 

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @MaryLister and welcome to the forums.

That's a really tricky situation and as a parent to teens myself, I empathise with how hard it must be for you to decide, when your daughter has reached out to you for support with this.

We have some helpful information on our website here about teenagers and alcohol in case you'd like to have a read through it. It is a difficult balance to strike between wanting to protect young people from the risks of alcohol, while also maintaining a positive, trusting and open relationship.

I have to say that I think it's an incredible start that your daughter came to you and wanted to talk about this. It shows just how much she must trust you. 

[Toby98]

I don’t see any reason to object to this if there’ll be a parent present. You’re very lucky to have such an open relationship and you don’t want to lose this once she reaches high school. If you do make a big deal out of it, she probably won’t ask for permission next time. It’s also a great opportunity to explain a bit about drinking like alcohol percentages, what to eat before drinking, how long to wait between drinks, different types and the appropriate amount to drink etc. I didn’t learn about this from anyone besides friends until a mandatory college class. If someone had taught me about alcohol at 13 it would’ve saved me a whole lot of trouble.