15 year old son is continually making bad choices
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15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-21-2019 08:53 PM
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-22-2019 11:36 AM - edited ‎09-22-2019 11:36 AM
Hey @Jaype
It sounds like you're going through a difficult time with your son. You mentioned your son has received professional psychological support - is he still seeing a psychologist? Also, I'm wondering whether you're seeking any professional support to assist you through this difficult time? Parenting can be challenging at the best of times so it's important that you're seeking the right support. Not sure if you've ever tried calling Parent-line, but they can be a really good (and free) resource for parents like yourself. Check out this website to see what services are available for your state.
It sounds like your son is struggling with boundaries. I guess a tip that I've found helpful when working with young people, is ensuring I follow through on said rewards/ punishments. E.g. if you tell your son that you'll take his Xbox if he does Y, and then he happens to do Y, make sure you take his Xbox away. And then, if he reacts negatively (such as throwing a tantrum), try not to give in and instead just ignore him as best as you can, otherwise it'll teaching him that throwing a tantrum = mum giving me what I want. Same goes with rewards. It might be useful to find something that your son loves, and tell him you'll reward him with it, if he follows X rule.
The upside of the situation is that your son is open about what's going on. It's good that he confides in you. Was he even open to you about experimenting with drugs?
I've tagged some parents here who are generally very good at supporting other parents on the forum @JAKGR8 @Maruko @JohnT @DadFad @DSmum @KattMomma @Dad4good @sunflowermom @Nikkita @Faob_1 @Orbit64 @PapaBill
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-22-2019 11:54 AM
Yes he tells me everything, the whole sex, drugs and rock n roll part of his life. We went for a mental health care plan appointment last week and got a referral but even if I take him I’m not sure he is going to help others help him. As for the other suggestion I’ve racked my brain as to what I can use such as Xbox. The only thing important to him is freedom. I’ve told him he has one month to steadily improve his behaviour and if he chooses not to that I’m cutting off his phone and he will have to pay for it himself if he wants it. He’s 10 foot tall and bulletproof at the moment
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-23-2019 10:24 PM
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-24-2019 11:57 AM
One thing that has been working well with my youngest (she's 16) is holding her license and driving privileges. She knows that they will be taken immediately if there is any drug/alchohol use. She is tested regularly and so far that has been the most effective "bargaining chip".
Hang in there.. I'm told it gets better. And know you're not alone in this crazy adventure we call teenagers. Take care!
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-28-2019 10:52 PM
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-29-2019 10:28 AM

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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-29-2019 11:42 AM - edited ‎09-29-2019 10:48 PM
Thank you @Taylor-RO 😊 I have a 21 year old daughter and she was the only one home when he punched a hole in the wall. She is now terrified. Unfortunately we have experienced another family member like this... PTSD, depression and anxiety that resulted in a lot of aggressive threatening behaviour and my daughter is traumatised from that. I will definitely get some help if I need it. I’m ok at the moment because I’ve had experience with this before. Doesn’t make it any easier but does mean I have some strategies in place to cope. A youth worker has been in communication with my son which is good. I’m here to help him when he is ready to help himself
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-29-2019 11:43 AM
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Re: 15 year old son is continually making bad choices
‎09-29-2019 10:50 PM
Hey @Jaype,
It's really good to hear that your son has been receptive to support and help in the past, as well as the fact that you have already organised a meeting with headspace. I was wondering whether you were doing anything to support and protect your own mental health? It can be really stressful or overwhelming when family members are struggling with their own thoughts and behaviours, and can be really important to check in with ourselves. Parentsline is a really good resource to talk to counsellors who give family based advice and support, and might have some extra insight for your current situation.
Hope this helps!