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15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming

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15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming

Casual scribe

15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming


Thank you for reading my post. I signed up for the forum today, as I am not sure what to do.

in short 15yo came out as gay and non-binary last year. we found their support on their journey of finding out who and what they are and feeling good about this. (parents and sibling are supportive and just want a happy child) In the meantime anxiety and depression has been diagnosed and they started taking some medication. We actually felt they were a bit calmer, a bit more settled when a few weeks ago they self-harmed, ended up in the emergency room, and could leave with a safe plan. This was a big shock and surprise for me and the family.


 they do not want to talk about what happened, what the trigger was, or what made them do it. It looked planned.

by now I was able to organise some psychologist testing (as there is a family history) and a psychiatrist to ensure we are doing the right thing with medication.

Yesterday evening things escalated a bit as we (the parents) are a bit lost on how to help them and by now are wondering if they have done the self-harm and did not expect any of the outcome and impacts. We tried to have a bit more direct conversation and telling them how we love them, how proud we are and they are really important to us. planning to sit down in the next couple of days and start to make some family rules to have when we have difficult conversations. Hopefully, this is the start of creating a safe setting for conversations to come. 


Last week they went to school for 3 days, this week we got a call one day that they could not do it and it was too much and stressful. It came out that they pushed away some good friends, and to be honest I understand the friends are not very willing to be friends again. This means they actually have nobody left at school, which I see as another risk and stressful moment. And indeed on Friday, it was I do not want to go to school.


I think I am sitting with many questions, how do I balance care and understanding of their mental health situation and still have the "normal" rules. How do I give room to explore and grow with some normal restrictions and expectation of manners. How do I help my family, who are all trying their best. How do I work on the relationship between them and their father, who finds this extremely challenging (he loves them to the moon and back)

How do I keep sane, keep a clear mind and navigate my way through work, life, home and finding the right help for my child?


I am trying to keep routine, not sleeping every day till 12, going to school, and being there is more than enough. Support by talking and checking in even if it is just by sending a crazy picture. 


What else can I do? Looking to learn from others. 

and apologies for the long post......



Re: 15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming

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Hello @Evie5 , I am sorry to hear about what you and your family have been going through. It sounds like things have been tough for your child, but it sounds like they have a lot of support around them. It sounds like you have provided them with a really supportive space which is so great. It’s also great that you have organised some professional support for them. Hopefully the psychologist and psychiatrist will be able to give you some support and might be able to answer some of the questions that you have.


Routine is important, so it's great that keeping a routine and maintaining support is on your mind. I am wondering if you have anyone that you feel comfortable talking to about everything that has been going on? Parentline is a free and confidential counselling service that you could call to talk with a counsellor about what you have been going through. Also, you mentioned that they have been self-harming lately, so I just wanted to check in with you and ask if you have any concerns about their current safety?

Casual scribe

Re: 15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming

Hi and thnk you for your message.

No i have no immediate concerns about their safety. I try to stay close without over doing it.

Regarding myself. I subscribed to this forum and actually hoping to find a support group where I can meet people and talk. I am considering counseling for myself as i notices a range of emotions and almost anxious about making it through the school day. So i think i need some help with my emotions and how to guide them. Maybe checking the path we are on, if that makes sense. I will look at the link you posted. Thank you for sharing.

Super contributor

Re: 15yo depressed, anxiety, self harming

Hi @Evie5, thanks for your response. We are glad to hear that you have no immediate concerns about their safety. You are welcome to continue chatting on our forum (you can also post on other parent's threads), however our service is anonymous and so you may have difficulties finding a support group to meet people. If you contact ParentLine on the link above, they may be able to help you find a local support group. A counsellor could definitely help you process your emotions and answer some of the questions you have above Heart