16 year old son too much responsibility

[20201361]

My 16 year old son lives with his dad and attends the local school which is one of the best in the area. This is the only reason I agreed to him living with his dad. My ex husband has been going through a lot of health problems (2 heart operations and has blood serum infusions every fortnight for the past few months). He has recently separated from his wife and is not dealing with the divorce and his health issues at all. He shares too much information with my 16 year old and involves him with his personal issues more than I feel he should. I called my son last night asking him when I’m going to see him next, he said he doesn’t want to leave his dad because his dad is very depressed and is scared he’s might hurt himself. I was furious with this and sent a text to my ex husband and said that he’s putting too much responsibility on a 16 year old. This is the school holidays he should be out with his mates enjoying his break instead of being cooped up at home. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

[Bre-RO]

Hey @20201361 

Thank you so much for coming here to get support with this. I can sense the concern in your post, it must be really hard for you to watch your son go through this. 

It sounds like you and your son have a great open dialogue between you and I think it's really positive that he is sharing with you - that way you're able to give your support to him and make sure he is okay. I'm just wondering with his comments about his dad hurting himself. Do you know if his father has expressed that he intends to hurt himself to your son? 

Handling these situations can be really tricky and I'm sure some other parents here have been through similar situations. Do any parent champs have some words of wisdom? @JAKGR8 @PapaBill @sunflowermom @taokat @Dad4good 

We have some resources on communicating with an ex-partner here that might be helpful in thinking through how to approach this situation.

Let us know how you go with talking to your ex - we hope you're both able to think of ways of ensuring your son doesn't take on too much responsibility. 

[Hugo2019]

Hi there how stressful .. yes I believe it’s not your sons responsibility to care emotionally for your ex.. your ex should be finding other adults for that job ! would your son go and get some support with a counsellor at all ? Can you listen without judgement to your son talking about your ex s issues.. then at least you are supporting your son to be able to express..