03-14-2019 10:39 PM - edited 03-14-2019 10:48 PM
03-15-2019 11:38 AM
03-15-2019 12:17 PM
Sounds like your family is going through a tough time. Situations like you describe can make you dread coming home.
My partners daughter (16-17) was doing similar to us last year (though she was an only child)
She would SMS her mother orders for food from her room, scream and yell and made my partners life hell. She was lucky enough to be able to come and stay at my house some nights.
In the end one day my partner snapped and said she was moving in with her mother and selling the house.
In response the daughter packed up and left to live with her boyfriends family
Since then their relationship has significantly improved and now her daughter is very appreciative and they do breakfast
Personally I couldn't believe my partner went there, she is such a gentle person.
Then I believe we were lucky in what happened when her daughter moved out. It easily could have gone down a very different dark path.
With your daughter, you don't mention a history of mental health issues so I presume she has not been diagnosed with a mental condition? Without a professional assessment it can be very hard to know the difference. If she is not willing to be assessed it can it extremely difficult to know.
In either case you need to consider all your family not just your daughter here.
You have a responsibility to protect your son from the conflict and to your own mental health
While there may not be physical abuse I can assure you it is impacting him negatively and possibly permanently
If there is medical issues your daughter may need medical professional help.
Hopefully she would be willing to be checked and if so it may lead to improvement in behaviour.
I presume in my comments below there is not an underlying medical issue here but a behavioural one.
While your love and care for your daughter but sometimes that love means making hard choices.
If your daughter isn't willing to change her behaviour or even consider counselling and has continued this way for a year, she is leaving you with only two choices.
1) Let her stay and she will continue as she is
2) Let her know while she is always loved the behaviour is not acceptable and if she wont change she has to leave.
Sounds pretty hard I know but there is more than her involved here.
She is 18 and has choices and must accept the consequences of her actions.
At the end of the day
She does NOT have a right to make your life a living hell
She does NOT have a right to be rude and manipulative to you and your family
She DOES have choices (presuming no medical issues)
She DOES have to accept the impact of her choices
You DO have a right to be treated with politeness and respect
You DO have to protect yourself and your son
03-15-2019 12:27 PM
03-15-2019 01:12 PM
03-15-2019 01:22 PM
Sounds like you are moving forward and it is good that your have a path that can lead to a better place.
That is great.
Just remember It is her responsibility to find somewhere to live if she chooses this behaviour and consequence. While you want to help and assist her, at the end of the day it is her responsibility to find somewhere alternative. Don't let her throw back road blocks about your suggestions for her choices of where to live i.e. it to far from her friends, too expensive, too crappy a place.
It is her life, her choices and her responsibility to find an alternative.
Be on the lookout delaying tactics and try to put the responsibility on you to find a place.
If she is complaining about her options remind her she is always welcome in your home provided her behaviour is appropriate.
If she doesn't like what is available it highlights what she needs to do to get better options.
03-15-2019 01:33 PM
03-15-2019 01:35 PM - edited 03-15-2019 01:40 PM
Sounds like your got the easy part well in hand - the setting of the plan
Now the hard part - sticking to the plan and making it happen
Good luck.. let us know how it goes.
Hope it leads to a better place for everyone
03-15-2019 02:05 PM