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19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

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Casual scribe

19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

We have recently discovered that our19 year old son has been paying to watch porn for over a year, it was discovered by my husband when he asked about his savings account.  He works full time after dropping out of uni & waiting to get in the army, he has had 3 serious girlfriends (including the current one) including while this has been going on.  He says he doesn’t know how it started to get so out of control, it was just teenage curiosity- he has spent over $10,000 in the last year and we have no idea what to do. On the outside he’s a good, loving boy who is close to his family but this has torn us apart and my husband & I are blaming each other for this, while trying to protect our 16 year old daughter from it all.

Community Manager

Re: 19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

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Hi @L-R75 , 

 

I imagine that must have come  as a pretty big shock to you and your husband-  $10 000 is a lot of money to have spent in a year, and I'm guessing your son may be feeling pretty ashamed and embarrassed about it as well. 

 

Viewing online pornography is something that's pretty common among young people, and it can be a really hard topic for parents to broach with their kids. We have a guide here to talking to your teen about pornography that I thought might be useful for you, it has some really practical ideas for how to talk about this with kids, and other issues to consider. In your son' s case, I'd imagine there might  be a fair amount of embarrassment having his parents know about it, as well as shame for having spent so much money. 

 

Do you think it might be helpful for you and your husband to chat with a professional about ways that you can approach this with your son, to hopefully help break that cycle of blaming each other? We do offer a free one to one support service for parents that is run either online or over the phone, they are really experienced family professionals and can help you come up with a plan of action. 

 

Is your son still living with you at home at the moment? 

Casual scribe

Re: 19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

Hi thanks for the advice, he’s still living at home and we are trying to find him some professional help as well as us.
Community Manager

Re: 19 year old Son has been paying to watch porn for over a year

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HI @L-R75 , 

 

Getting some support sounds like a great idea- Headspace can be an excellent place to start, they offer free mental health and other support services for young people. This page gives a bit more information about what they offer, and links on how to find your nearest centre, they also offer phone and online counselling services if your son would prefer that. Your GP can also be a great starting point- they can help him put together a mental health care plan which gives access to medicare-subsidised sesssions with a psychologist, and GPs will often have recommendations for good mental health professionals in your area. 

 

I also just thought I'd share this chat from other parents on our forums, sharing their experiences with their kids and using online porn - you're definitely not alone in grappling with this, and I thought it was  really interesting chat with a lot of differing perspectives shared. 

 

Wishing you and your family all the best - how is your son doing with it all? 

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