ANgry 16 year old daughter

[Stressful2020]

I have a 16 year old daughter, turning 17 in November.

We lost her dad suddenly coming up 6 years ago, she was only 10 at the time, but it didn't really hit her until years later. We have recently moved out of area I had to down size, so new school new area, in year 11, she settled in well, with a few bullying issues which were delt with, I went to the school straight away. She was always feeling sick and weak, finally got the answer low Iron deficiency so had an iron infusion which she felt really good, but now she sleeps all day, doesn't eat until dinner, yells at me when I tell her to get out of bed and go online for school, hates school doesn't want to be at school, so now wants to leave, not a good time with covid 19, no jobs, no tafe all online atm.

She has self harmed 2 times that I have noticed, if I tell her she cant go out or do something she does that. She is angry all the time, I am thinking it might be depression, she stresses out so much if I mention school, and now its worse because of isolation,

I have a partner and he doesn't tell her want to do, as he tries to keep the piece, he has 3 kids of his own, 20, 18 and a 16 year old girl which they get on very well like sisters which is good. We have them every 2nd weekend. 

My partner hates the way she talks to me, and then I rebel sometimes and think he is picking, so probably not a good thing.

She was such a nice girl growing up and she can be a lovely girl, but just so angry atm.

Any advice. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Stressful2020, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like things have been really difficult for you family. I am sorry to hear about your loss and the impact that it has had on your family. It seems like you have noticed a massive change in your daughter compared to when she was younger. School can be such a difficult and sensitive topic for teenagers. It is a shame that isolation is compounding these challenges further. Please know that you are not alone - a lot of other parents are facing this issue You mentioned self-harm and depression, I am wondering if your daughter has ever seen a mental health professional? I was also wondering whether the self-harm was something that has occurred recently? We have a one-on-one support service that may be beneficial to you. We will always be here if you ever want to chat about anything further.

Just so you know, I edited out some of the descriptions of self-harm to avoid triggering other members. We have a list of community guidelines here, if you wanted to have a read 

[IppyMum4305]

Hi! I have an almost 17 year old daughter as well (this month) and she has had issues with iron the last few months which have definitely impacted her mental health. She would say to me "how can i be happy when i feel like crap all the time?" and that's when i started to understand how she must have been feeling.
I am no professional but it does sound like it might be a good idea to get a mental health plan happening for your daughter, to try and figure out where the anger is coming from. We had my daughter get involved with Headspace and they were absolutely brilliant!
My daughter also hated school by the end of grade 10, so she dropped out, with my blessing. School sometimes just isn't for all kids, and I think it is ok to acknowledge that. It certainly made a big difference to my girl, suddenly this huge weight and expectations were lifted off her shoulders. Of course, only you know your child and what will work best, just sharing my experiences for you.
Maybe the anger is coming from a place where she might feel she has no control over anything?
Anyway, this parenting gig is so tough at times, especially the lovely teenagers! Hang in there and i hope you can work out what is going on for your daughter.

[Stressful2020]

Thank you for telling me your story, it makes sense with the iron it must be awful feeling sick and not happy. I am taking her to the doctors and she is great with mental health as well. 

I am in the process of talking with the careers adviser  and maybe TAFE or part-time work, she hates school and I don't think its for her. I have to make sure she is happy and healthy so we can all be happy and content.

Thanks again 

[TOM-RO]

Hi @Stressful2020 

Just checking in to see how things are going for you and your daughter.

How have things been?