Aggressive teen who has been bullied

[Sil77]

Hi ,
I have previously posted in the wrong place so will start again.

Today I got into an argument with my 14 yo son. He broke a ruler and nearly hit me with one of the pieces. Basically he was getting angry at me at the fact that I am not organizing for him to change schools asap.

Recently false rumours were spreading around school that my son is gay. His friends just suddenly one day ignored him and moved to sit away from him while many others in his year make insinuations and comments right out suggesting that he's gay. My son is not sure why this is happening. He thinks it might be retaliation from a previous teasing incident where he told the teachers. He also told a friend a secret- that he had been sexually molested when a toddler, although we had told him many times not to disclose this type of info. I'm really of the opinion this friend has gone around telling everyone, hence the gay rumours.

Another thing is that my son has a language processing disability so he can not understand instructions and appear clumsy at times. Making him unpopular. Did his friends just suddenly drop him one day because he's not at their intellectual level?

I am tearing my hair out on this one. I don't know what to do. My son is currently isolated, friendless and depressed. And angry and aggressive toward me.

Do I tell the school? Do I mention the secret being told if I'm not 100% sure.

I'm willing to change schools but I don't want to be caught in a cycle of changing every time he has a problem. Which could be often. I'm crying at night over this ..

Any ideas or advice wld b much appreciated. Thank you

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Sil77 

Glad you have come back to the forum to chat about what's been going on for you. I responded to your post from a few weeks ago here if you wanted to have a look.

Sorry things haven't improved for you and that your son has been angry and aggressive towards you, that must have been quite scary for you. Our Child and Family Professional has written a piece here about children using aggression and ways to manage which might have some tips for you. 

I understand that you're willing to change schools but concerned about it becoming a cycle, is this something that has happened before?

It awful that your son is being bullied and his friends may be treating him differently because of his intellectual disability. Does your son feel that starting fresh at a new school is the only solution to these issues?

I'm so sorry to hear the impact this is having on you, if you wanted to chat to someone about how you're feeling it could be worth looking into contacting Parentline, here is a link to their website, they offer one-on-one counselling to parents to speak about what they're going through.

Hope some other parents are able to jump on an offer their support as well 

[Sil77]

Thank you for support.

No my son has not moved school many times before. But in primary he had to change in 3rd grade as he was in a k-2 only school. I saw the disadvantage of coming in to a school where everyone already knows each other. And I feel I would be lost if he moved school and it all happened again. We would both be devastated.

I don't see the situation improving at t the current school as he has had punch ups with the kids who verbally bully him..Making them dislike him further.

The thing is I like the school, teachers, etc. It's only some students who are the issue, but they are popular so wield a lot of power in terms of spreading rumours and turning friends against my son.

Another thing is, though he has a disability, it's a communication issue, not an intellectual disability so that makes things harder as he understands things quite well.

I would love to hear more ideas if anyone else has any advice as I need to consider everything very carefully before making a big decision like moving schools.

I can't help crying over this....

[Sil77]

I'm torn as to whether or not to contact the school over this

[TOM-RO]

Hello @Sil77, I am sorry to hear about the situation that you and your family are going through. It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like this is not an easy decision at all. It is good that the teachers at school are good, but a shame that some of your sons peers are causing issues. As you mentioned, it could be a good idea to contact the school over the issues as they sound like they could be a good support. Is that something you and your family would feel comfortable with doing at this time? Would you be able to talk with a school counsellor about this situation? They could arrange to have a chat with your son and see how he is going if you would feel comfortable with something like that? I am sorry to hear how much this is impacting you. Have you had a chance to talk with anyone about what you are going through? It might be helpful for you to get some of these thoughts and feelings off your chest. Parentline is one of the helplines that you could call if you wanted to talk with a counsellor about what you are going through.

[Sil77]

Thank you, yes I have tried parent line.

I have initiated contact with the school and after the advice given here as well as parent line and from others, I decided enough is enough the school should be aware of this. 

I will keep everyone updated on the outcome, but as it is, it's causing me so much pain and anxiety to hear that my son has no friends and is isolated every day .

I wonder what people think of this - I know one of the boy's parents who has been very unkind and teased my son - should I contact them directly?

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Sil77 

Thats really good to hear you've come to a decision about speaking to the school and that you were able to find parentline helpful in making that decision. Let us know how you go.

In terms of contacting one of the bullies parents, that could be a helpful way to start the conversation between families and allow other parents to be informed about what is going on, how do you think the parents might respond?

So sorry to hear about the pain and anxiety that this is all causing you, your love for your son really shines through in your posts and he is so lucky to have you looking out for him. Did you find speaking to parentline helpful in terms of managing your feelings? Or would you like to talk through some other options around this?

We are here for you @Sil77