06-30-2018 10:45 PM
07-01-2018 02:31 PM
07-01-2018 03:46 PM
07-02-2018 07:36 PM
Hey @Tulip, how is your foot today? That must've really hurt and I can understand your hurt over your daughter's seeming lack of care. It's just my daughter and myself as well, and I understand how upsetting and frustrating it can be when our teens act in a manner we see as selfish.
I had a really interesting conversation about the subject of selfishness with a psychiatrist I saw on Friday. I was saying that I got really upset and annoyed when my daughter wouldn't help out around the house, or even pick up or clean up after herself. It makes me feel disrespected and like she thinks I'm a slave, there to tidy up after her, when she gave nothing in return.
I was reminded and assured that teens don't think the way we often think they do. My daughter doesn't leave her stuff lying around thinking "mum'll get it, that's her job". I was reminded that my reaction is triggered from a past experience that actually has nothing to do with my daughter. She's not anyone from my past who has hurt me or treated me badly, and she doesn't think like they do either. She's a teenager, and while her actions aren't always great, she doesn't think in the way adults do.
He assured me my daughter loves me, and I do know that, so I hope I can assure you that your daughter does love you very much too.
I'm so glad you talked with your daughter and feel she heard you. Even though they don't think as we sometimes assume they do, I was also told it's totally okay to let my daughter know how it makes me feel when she does certain things. It allows her to understand where I'm coming from.
I hope your daughter helps you out a bit more while you're out of action. It's a great opportunity to show her you trust her ability to do more for herself.
Sending hugs and hope your foot heals quickly
07-03-2018 12:50 PM
03-02-2019 03:08 PM
I am so sorry you hurt your self and just wanted to say you are not alone, flummoxed by surly teens who have not received the 'gratitude' memo.
Our daughter is sixteen and has suffered from anxiety for at least eleven years. She is out only child and so all resources have been spent on her and she wants for very little. We have a small family in Australia and not tons of friends although enough, she does not make friends easily and gets lonely so uses computers as interaction etc,
Anyway her anxiety makes her stunningly rude and add a dash of adolescence - good lord. She left her laptop at home the other day and asked me if I could drop it on my way to work, which I will do (have done once before) if she gets me in time, But the last time, I was in court and could not do it. So she asked her dad. He took the time out of his day to drop it off to her at school (not far from our house but still) and she DID NOT SAY THANK YOU but just took it and walked off. Well that went down brilliantly but he was great about it and did not yell, we just quietly told her it was NOT and she felt our disappointment judging by her later behaviour.
SHe will not hug either of us or allow us to hug or touch her which we respect. She hears us asking each other 'how was your day' and 'how are you' - you know, the usual courtesies that make the world go more nicely - but she would never ask how my day was or how dad's was. The kids dont ask each other these things though, I;ve noticed. they do seem to offer support to each other over difficulties but never ask how they are.
She would never send a birthday card to anyone,, not to me, dad - anyone, without prompting, she will never make small talk because that's 'not real'. Her total inability to be sociable means that most of the jobs available to her age group are out - service industries. No go for someone who hates people as much as she does!
She does not do housework but I think she would be able to if she lived alone or had management of a house so I don't fight that particular battle.
If I hurt my foot the way you did, she MIGHT get ice for me, if she heard me through the headphones but she would NOT ask how my foot was. Not a chance.
Its good to get this off my chest as the anxiety in her seems intractable and limiting and it does get me down when I see other peoples' kids behaving civilly as it reflects on us, the parents, when our kids are horrid and I have done nothing but model good manner and civil behaviour. I have not punished her hard for not being polite because I was punished hard for rule infractions as a child and it made me hate my parents - perhaps undeserved but there it is, I guess I never found a middle ground.
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