@Adrianr29
I hope you are doing well. I just saw that I was tagged earlier on in the conversation so I'm sorry that it's taken me a bit to join this conversation.
I can see that you have multiple concerns, and it's clear the welfare of your partner's daughter underpins all of them. She is fortunate to have your concern for her, and your boyfriend is fortunate that you are offering different perspectives. First, I see that you are concerned about her present and future; you see that she may be short on a few different lifeskills that will help her have a successful future (financial responsibility, personal accountability as examples).
Second, it seems that you're also concerned about your boyfriend (that he isn't 'taken advantage of' or doing more than you think is helpful for her independence).
Third, it seems that there may a question of how the parenting of his daughter affects your relationship with him? I don't recall if you're living with him/them or not but I imagine that his relationship with her would impact your relationship with him in some way.
Are there outside supports that you can seek out? Couples counselling for the two of you? Family counselling for the two of them, or the three of you? I'm wondering if anyone would be amenable to that? Perhaps help with setting boundaries or house 'rules' and expectations? Or, identifying patterns that might lead to more volatility or resentment?
Again, I hope you are doing well.
