Broken trying to rasie a king and Queens

[BrokenQueen]

Myself personally am a broken person and I have struggled with a compulsive gambling addiction since just before my eldest queen was born. 15 years next week, fifteen long **bleep** hard years. Her dad didn't want her, he was older I was young. But I fought I wanted her so much, I also made a mistake for telling her that once. He stood by and has always been there, three queens and a king later our relationship has always been toxic but I thought my love was enough and my kids would be alright because My love for them is enough.
I am wrong,not dealing with my demons(gambling) and my toxic relationship
My beautiful blessing, my right hand the little queen that made me a mumma is having suicide thoughts and I'm am heartbroken that I know most of my **bleep** has help cause this beautiful young queen to feel this way. I want to wrap her in my arms and take away all those bad feelings and negative thoughts, if only that easy. Being a fifteen year old these days is hard, not to mention you have a broken mum.
Just sharing my story in hopes that any other guilty parent can see your not the only one.
Getting help for myself and my daughter hopefully we can get strong enough in our minds straighten our crowns and live that good life!

Keep strong and raise those future kings and queens as best you can xxox

[Hannah-RO]

Hi there @BrokenQueen  welcome to the forum and thanks for posting your story here 

The way you speak about your children and other children as kings and queens is so beautiful, and its quite powerful to read you speak about them in this way. It's clearly such a testament to the kind of care and love you have for your kids.

You said that your daughter is experiencing suicidal thoughts at the moment, that must be very distressing for you as a parent. You said you're getting help for both yourself and your daughter, can I ask what this is and if you're finding it useful? There are some tips here on supporting a teenager who is suicidal that you might find helpful to have a look at. I'm wondering as well if you're receiving any support around gambling? We can discuss that more here and look into supports that might be helpful if that interests you.

It's saddening to hear that you describe yourself as broken, there is a quote I like that is "There is no one stronger than a broken woman who has put herself back together." Your posting here, and seeking support, and offering a message of hope with other parents shows such incredible strength, thank you for sharing with us.  

[14yroldsMomlost]

I too have struggled with my demons while trying to raise Queens and a King and now find myself in the same place as you.  I'm lost without any idea how to help my 14 year old Queen.  She is without friends because of a learning disability that took her to the special needs classroom and the kids in that room are severely disable while my queen is on the opposite end of that spectrum.  She is now depressed and struggling because she is lacking the social aspect of her life.  Her one friend was a couple years older than her and while they were inseparable when they first met; this friend now has a boyfriend and a job an other friends so she is never available for my beautiful queen leaving her devastated and lost.  I  joined this forum in hopes of learning some tools to find friends for her and guidance for me on how to talk to and address some of the issues I have in my life with them in a way they can understand.  I wanted you to know that your not alone and if you ever need to talk; I'm here.

[BrokenQueen]

@14yroldsMumlost
Friends is hard, I myself don’t like having friends because I see now me with hidden gambling addiction, I have push them away.
My eldest queen who is fifteen tomorrow has had many problems with friends, she has the biggest heart and takes on all the problems in the world as if they are her own and it makes her sad.
Where as my just turn fourteen year old queen is so darn resilient and is the biggest attention seeker, friends come and come go , she is not fazed but yearns for her big sister love and attention and big sister is nothing but annoyed by her and her ways actually funny my eldest queen finds it hard to speak her mind to anyone but stands up to her dad who is a old school Samoan meanie.
Going way of track here but my advice to my queens and king is friends come and go, if they don’t see you for who you are then you don’t need them.
There are so many other kids in your school who will appreciate your friendship and actually need a friend like you, you just gotta find them.
Also my queens have a interest in volleyball, so a lot of their close friends are in there team ( common interests)
Best place for your beautiful young queen to find friends, is somewhere she has a interest. Also let her know she is special and her even being different from other kings and queens in her special class, those others may need a friend and to be honest are the best kind of friends. And even with your own demons and trying to be strong your the bestest friend she will ever need.
I hope my rambling and personal insight from my life, helped in the tiniest way.

May your straighten your crown and put that “S” on your chest (superwoman) and keep doing the best that you can.

Sending all my love, raising kings and queens is hard but we can do it xxox

[BrokenQueen]

@Hannah-RO
Thank you for you kind words, very appreciated

It reply to your questions of help
My young queen has an amazing councillor at her school, who has referred her to our local mental health team. We are in the process of getting her someone to talk to on a regular basis but because of COVID it may only be phone calls for now and I am her new shadow she is not getting her usual wellloved time alone in her room. She now has to hang out in the lounge room and I am making sure she doesn’t get much time alone where she use to get lost in negative thoughts.
She seems in better spirits unless she has to wash the dishes lol
Just trying my best to let her know she is not alone, so many people struggle with sadness and negative thoughts but we are going to teach to get her mind strong



Emancipate ourselves from mental slavery none but ourselves can free our mind

Good old uncle bob Marley his music and philosophies are Fire


For myself and the rescearch I have done over the years, it isactually sad as there is not much good help for this hidden disease know as gambling addiction
To go to rehab which are mainly focused on drug and alcohol, it will cost you a arm and a leg. I’ve been through the counseling ways and as it’s always good to speak your problems to help you heal, it too is not as much a major help. I have decided this time as my parents are gamblers I am going to be braking those inherited chains I am seeking gamblers anonymous as my point of help and sad there is not so many meetings local to me, hopefully one day I can help that change and find better ways to help people like me heal themselves.
Okay back to the washing
Thank you for reading and have a blessed day xxox

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @BrokenQueen  that is so great to hear the school counsellor is amazing! I am so glad that they are a source of support and are directing you all to other useful supports as well.

Doing support remotely due to covid can definitely be tricky, but good on you for persevering with it. How is your daughter going with being alone less?

Totally understandable she doesn't want to wash the dishes though - I think unfortunately that may always be the case ! (it certainly is for me!)

It sounds like you have really done your research about gambling supports, good on you for doing that  Its a shame there aren't a lot of gamblers anonymous meetings close to you, I hope you're able to find one and that it's a supportive environment.

Hope Bob Marley can accompany your washing for today 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @14yroldsMomlost sorry to hear your daughter is depressed and struggling with friendships. It must be extra challenging that her friend now has a job and a boyfriend and isn't as present at the moment.

I think what @BrokenQueen is suggesting around a shared interest is a great idea! Is there anything your daughter really enjoys that she could do socially?

Also it's so great to see parents giving each other support here on the forum, thank you both for being here