06-06-2021 01:15 AM - last edited on 06-08-2021 03:42 PM by Janine-RO
Hi, I am new here because I am not sure what to do.
I have a 13yr old daughter who is having a rough time, especially at school. She has at least two kids in her classes that keep harassing her. They say stuff like: **bleep**, ain't nobody give a **bleep** about you, you should just die. Nobody wants you, Shut up!
It seems like a daily thing. I see her slipping away, an academic kid, funny kid, motivated and full of life. Now she is having panic attacks and self harming.
I want to get her school involved but she is not convinced they will do anything. I also think it's time to get a counsellor involved but she doesn't want to go and I can't force her. I am a Youth Worker. But it's different when it's your own kid you know what I mean.
Anyone have some help
06-06-2021 11:45 AM
Hello @ahouseof3, I am sorry to hear about what your daughter has been going through. It must be really difficult for you to support her through this. The things that the other children are saying to your daughter are extremely hurtful. As you mentioned, it sounds like it would be a good idea to involve some of the staff from your daughter's school. It might be helpful for you to talk with the school counsellor and your daughter's teacher first so that you can discuss some strategies to best support your daughter.
It is good that you are considering your daughter seeing a counsellor, it sounds tricky that she is not certain though. Introducing your daughter to online or telephone counselling might be a good starting point as she may feel a bit more in control of her therapy. Kids Helpline is a free and confidential service that offers both telephone and online counselling if your daughter is interested.
You mentioned that your daughter has been self-harming, have you been getting any support around this so far? Do you have current concerns about your daughters safety?
06-07-2021 12:19 PM
Hi @ahouseof3 ,
I just thought I would quickly check in with you, and see how you are feeling today? I have a daughter who's a similar age (mine is 12), and I can only imagine how distressing it must be as a parent to have your child experiencing this kind of trauma at school.
I hope you're able to get some answers from her school, and hopefully get some support for both of you moving forward. In my experience, approaching either the year advisor, guidance counsellor, or assistant principal generally seems to get the best results - as you'd be aware, most schools should have pretty good frameworks to address bullying. Ideally, they should be willing to work with you both to support your daughter, make sure she feels safe, and address the unacceptable behaviour with the students.
That being said, I also know this doesn't always happen. We do have some really good resources on both ReachOut Parents, and ReachOut schools, around these issues. If you think it would be helpful I'd be happy to share some more, but here's a few as a starting point:
What to do if your teen is being bullied
I imagine it would have felt very upsetting hearing that your daughter has been self harming, even if it's something that you deal with as a Youth Worker it is often different when it's your own child. Are you concerned about your daughter's safety at all?
I hope you're feeling a bit better today - also just a quick note to let you know I moved your post to another part of the forums, just so you can get more support from other parents. I hope that things are feeling a bit calmer for you today, we are always here if you want to talk through things or connect with other parents.
06-27-2021 05:08 PM - last edited on 06-27-2021 06:44 PM by Taylor-RO
Hi I'm new to this. My 12 Yr old daughter has been telling me she's feeling empty and sad lately but she doesn't no why. I had the school ring me the other day and tell me that they have found out that she has now started self harming. I have contacted Dr who are referring her to cahms and she is on waiting list for councillor. I'm out of depth here there is no instant help or support I can find.the school r useless and are just interested in my daughter learning. I really need help. I don't no what to do or say
06-27-2021 07:23 PM
Hi @Scaredmommy, thank you so much for sharing that with us. I am sorry to hear that things are really difficult for you and your family right now. It must be so upsetting and challenging to learn that your daughter has been self-harming and is feeling empty. It is concerning that your daughter has been self-harming and it would be helpful to explore that with a therapist, so it is great that you have contacted a doctor. If you'd like to find out more, we have an article on self-harm here which also talks about things you can try.
I have noticed that you are not in Australia. As we are an Australian service, our referrals and resources may not be relevant for you. Usually a GP can direct you to local services. In Australia, we have helplines for young pople and parents. Is there something similar in the UK? For example, this looks like a service which may be appropriate for your daughter. It might also be beneficial to seek some support for yourself as it can be stressful for parents to navigate this situation with their children. You don't have to go through this alone, you are more than welcome to continue using our forums - we are here to listen.
Just so you know, I edited your post and removed the method of self-harm as it can be triggering to others users. Easy mistake, I just thought I would give you a heads up. You can read our guidelines here.
Feel free to keep us updated