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Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

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Super frequent scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Hi aussie mum we are all wanting the best for our talented 16 year olds. Our 4 chilren went thru the teen stage, 3 daughters and 1 son. Our eldest daughter was a very out going person she loved socialising communication was her well actually the phone was her life line wasnt always blissful lol but she knew what she wanted.
Our son found his 16 17 18 etc over whelming he was easily lead such a beautiful personality. The principal at their high school said he had beautiful essays. His friends were all on a different path and he wanted to follow. We would ask him if he was alright. He said his acne was ugly and why would anyone want him. His clothes were not cool. Of course we told him it wasn't about the clothes. Living in a remote area did not help. So the following year we enroled him in fisheries course to remove him out of the trouble that he got himself into he did a year was not easy. All he ever wanted to do was sing he loved rapping. Of course we supported him. I guess what i am trying to saying to. Maybe he is trying to find himself. Hey maybe volunteering Maybe he doesnt know reassure him that changes are part of life. Good luck. Lets hope for amazing changes.
Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Hi @Aussiemom, fantastic suggestions provided by all here, as usual! I won't bombard you with too much more, except to say my daughter is now in year 10, studying via distance education due to her refusal to attend school. That could be another option to discuss with your son's school?

Or TAFE could be his favoured option if he'd like to get a trade.

 

Hang in there!

Super contributor

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Hey, @Aussiemom 

 

Just so you know you're not alone, school refusal is one of the biggest issues faced by parents today. It's an ongoing debate between parents and Education Departments. Especially when the legislation was changed to a minimum school leaving age of 17 years old with at least a school certificate or a Cert.2. 

 

It's an incredibly difficult situation to be in.

Frequent scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Hi everyone,

 

wel I thought I might give an update on my son and unfortunately things have gone from bad to worse anyway got him into distance education and he started to do the work but as time went on it got to difficult for him. Do as his friends where more important. With constant fights with him I rang the education council and she said not to push him he will be 18 this year he needs to take responsibility for his actions so study is off and he won't complete yr12.  His attitude even thou not really disrespectful he comes and goes as he feels like it comes home when he wants doesn't let me know when he will return. He has started playing a computer game again and last night when he abused his sister about the bad internet connection I took the modem off him well that started a 5 hr fight ending with him trashing his room, I ended up sleeping on the lounge with only 4hrs sleep. Anyway the next day we had plans to go out and my 17yr old text me saying if I didn't leave the modem behind he would smash holes in our walls and trash the house so I had to stay home will hubby took the girls and went out just to protect our home. He ended up going out with his friends but came and went as he felt like it. I am a wreck nerves are shot and don't know what to do. He is being punished but all I can do is not to give him money or drive him anywhere and just make sure that he has food and a roof over his head but that's it. I love him so much but the way he acted the other night wasn't on and I'm so lost as to what to do any suggestions would be great. Do I ask him to leave and possible never see him again? I'm don't want to give up on him but I don't know what to do.

Mod

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

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@Aussiemom thank you so much for sharing this, it sounds like you really feel as though you're walking on eggshells at the moment, despite your immense love for your boy. It's really a hugely transitional time when a young man approaches eighteen and no doubt is testing the entire family. Adolescence is a time of significant growth and development inside the teenage brain and it sounds like your son is exhibiting a lot of unpredictable behaviour as a result. 


There's a couple of key services I would like to link up in here for you, you may well already be aware, but it could be a good time to seek some professional support around the issue if you feel it's interfering with your family life immensely. There's of course Relationships Australia [click] As well as parent support services such as this one that may be of assistance.

 

How have you been going with your own self care during this time?

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Prolific scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?


@Aussiemom

In WA there is an organisation called Merceycare reconnect who helped myself and my son who were in a similar place ... though I am not sure which state in oz you are in

Frequent scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

I have been in contact with headspace just waiting for a reply so I am willing to talk to anybody I can and just trying to keep lines of communication open as much as possible. I've never been good at self care and unfortunately this hasn't helped, I have always put myself last children come first with me which I know has affect my mental health but am managing with anti depressants and my doctor. Thanks for the reply

Frequent scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

I haven't heard of mercycare as I'm in NSW but we do have headspace which is supposed to be awesome for teenagers and family just waiting for them to reply to my email.  Thanks for the support

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

I hear your frustration and concern @Aussiemom. I've been in a very similar situation to you. We had help from The Benevolent Society which has been invaluable to us. Our caseworker helped me to understand my daughter's thinking, and helped me with my reactions to her. She also worked with my daughter and helped her to understand her emotions and helped us both with positive communication skills.

 

I can also recommend a course called 'Tuning In To Teens'. It teaches how the teenage brain operates, and you learn new communication and parenting skills that really work to improve your relationship with your child. I did mine through Mission Australia for $20. That donation can be waived if you are struggling.

 

Calm communication is the key that changed my relationship with my girl. It allows for negotiation in rule making, and your son can learn to be part of the family unit in a positive way. I have a word for this belief of kids but particularly teens, that they can successfully wear adult shoes - they think they have it all worked out, but we see the reality, and see them stumbling along in these boots that are way too big - Paediocracy.

 

It's so hard when punishments are ignored and you feel hopeless and so disconnected. My daughter used to run the roost here too. I was advised that as long as she was safe, to call her bluff on her threats. She did punch the wall once which resulted in a trip to the hospital with suspected broken knuckles. She was lucky not to break them, but the doctor explained the casting if she had broken them, and told her she wouldn't be able to play computer games for possibly 2 months with it. She hasn't done it again! When things are calm maybe mention that or leave some info in his room to read over. If he's a gamer that will give him something to consider! Next time go out. My girl was a trasher too - it quickly lost it's power when I started reacting calmly. It stopped very quickly.

 

It is true too that his life is about his choices too. When my daughter has no interest, I remind her that her education, her choices are hers. Nobody else can do it for her, only she can. I can love and support her, but I can't make her the life she wants. That is up to her, and there are benefits and/or consequences for our choices. (Another example of paediocracy - expecting to have the choices without the consequences!)

 

You clearly love him very much. Hopefully some of the options given by the parents here will give you options and some hope. 

 

Do you have any self care plans in place for yourself? There is a topic on self care in the forums or feel free to ask if you need some help for yourself. Hugs.

Frequent scribe

Re: Can't get my 16yr old son to school what can I do?

Thank you for your advise it does sound like very similar situations, we are really trying the no yelling approach with him and that everything he does is his decision and will affect his future but at the moment since this last blow up he has left the house and I haven't seen him for 2days, I know he is safe but I just want him home with us. 

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