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Content found on daughters computer

Content found on daughters computer

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Content found on daughters computer

Hi All,
Please forgive me if this comes out a little jumbled and all over the place, my mind is racing and I’m still trying to process.
I have an almost 13 year old daughter. Around 6 months ago I found a drawing she had done where she referred to herself as male and said she was transitioning.
When I tried to speak to her about it she became hysterical, I let it go and decided she would talk to me when she is ready.
We have raised the children to embrace the LBGT community and my best friend is gay (I understand there is a difference) and she is very aware I don’t have a homophobic bone in my body.
I love my daughter as a person and that will never change and I have told her that many times. My biggest concern was that she was dealing with all these feelings and emotions on her own and not talking to anyone about it.
We haven’t spoke about that day again and carried on.
Today I came across a TikTok account that I didn’t know about, I was pretty disturbed by some of the content but also heart broken over one in particular about how she hasn’t come out to her mum yet. She also identified on it as pan sexual and commented that she just wanted to know she was accepted.
Now, I’m not discrediting anything she is feeling and I will love her unconditionally. If she wants to transition I will fully support her and not think twice about it. However, I’m not sure this isn’t a case of fixation with some social media personalities that she is following and this is more a case of obsession than anything else and I don’t know how to work it out because she won’t talk to me about it.
The next part of my problem is the other content I found. No child is an angel, but she comes pretty close. Exceptionally respectful, does well in school, kind and appreciative of anything I do for her. She never swears, speaks crudely or says anything inappropriate.
What I found her saying in a chat room on her computer has me absolutely reeling. I’m numb and feel like I don’t know my child at all. I won’t go into detail but it is the polar opposite of the child myself and everyone else she comes into contact with knows.
I just don’t know how to handle this.
I’m angry, furious actually, but if I explode I’m terrified of what the repercussions could be. She is already an anxious person, she struggles socially, doesn’t have a lot of confidence and sees herself as a bit of an outcast.
I don’t want to do/say anything that will cause permanent damage but I also won’t let this go unaddressed.
She doesn’t have any kind of relationship with her father, gets along great with her step father, genuinely no issues there.
She’s gone to stay with her grandmother today for a few days so I need to work out how I’m going to handle this when she gets home.
I appreciate any advise available.
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Re: Content found on daughters computer

Hey @Charlie72 and thanks so much for being so brave and sharing what's going on for you. First of all I'd like to say how beautiful it is to read how accepting you'd be of your daughter if she were to transition. It sounds like you really do care and want the best for your daughter, but that at the moment, you're feeling a little worried about potentially not knowing your daughter well enough. It certainly is confronting when we feel like we know someone but then they do something that surprises us, something that is completely out of character. It's definitely can be a shock.

 

I'm not sure what your daughter has said/done in the chat-room to make you feel so on edge, so all I can really say is to speak to your daughter when feeling calm, and avoid talking to her when you feel riled up. I think speaking to her in a calm, collected way about what you've found will have the best results.

 

I think it's good that you decided to let your daughter talk to you when she's ready. I guess she's probably feeling quite overwhelmed with trying to come to terms with her identity and sexuality at the ripe, young, vulnerable age of 13. So it's probably a good idea to give her some space and like you said, let her chat when she feels up to it. All you can do is continue to be the supportive, nonjudgmental mum that you have been, remind her that you love her no matter what, and hope that this pays off in the end.

 

Have you spoken to anyone else about how you're feeling or received any professional support?

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