Cyber bullying at school and in the home

[Holly_p]

My daughter is currently in year 10, and is being bullied, not only at school but also cyber bullying.  Most days she eats her lunch in the toilet, she spends class sitting alone, while these girls film her sitting alone in class and a lunch time and distribute on social media.  The situation has gotten so bad that she is now refusing to attend school at all.  How do you make a 15yr old girl go to school? 

I have blocked the bullies from social media platforms but they always find a way to get to her weather it be creating a fake account to getting someone to get the message to her.

I have spoken to the school and guidance councillors, and they are helpful but all want my daughter to lodge a formal complaint.  My daughter refuses to put a formal report in as this girl has threatened her with physical abuse and believes this girl will stop at nothing.   This girl has turned all my daughters friends against her by making up rumours and lying.  I know this girl has done the same thing to 2 other students and was asked to leave one school. 

Where do i go from here? My daughter is only 15 so she has to attend school, i dont want her to give up her education because of a bully.

We have only recently changed schools so i dont believe this is an option.

My once beautiful, positive and happy daughter is now negative, closed off and not willing to accept help from anyone. 

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Holly_p , 

I'm so deeply sorry to hear that your daughter has been experiencing this sort of bullying and harassment. Cyberbullying can be especially cruel, when it's  something that also follows the young person home with them, and I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is having to deal with this. 

One thing I'm wondering is if your daughter has any friends or other social networks that she can turn to outside of school - is she involved in any sporting groups, volunteering, or organisations like scouts? Building more social connections outside of school may be something that helps her to feel less isolated; bullying like this can have a massive impact on a young person's sense of self worth. 

It's great that you've spoken to the school, though I can understand your daughter's hesitation in putting forward a formal complaint if she's worried about the repercussions.  Do you know if the school has had any conversations with the student body more broadly about online safety, and the impacts of cyberbullying more broadly? The eSafety commission and Kids Helpline have some great resources on online harrassment - what your daughter is experiencing does sound like it may have gone beyond bullying to online harrassment, and this is something that is against the law.  The eSafety commission do have cyberbullying team where you can report online harrassment, the link I've included here explains how that process works. 

I'm also wondering if your daughter has spoken to a mental health professional to get some support around what's been happening with her? Kids Helpline counsellors could be a good option to try  if she'd be open to it - they are really experienced in helping young people who are dealing with cyberbullying, and could be a really good source of support for her.  Your local Headspace, or eHeadspace is another great option to get a bit more support, and they may also be able to help her out with some strategies to make going to school easier for her. 

It must be so hard as a parent to see your daughter going through this - how are you coping with it all?