Disapproval of Teen daughters boyfriend

[Justme78]

My 16 year old has started dating a boy of the same age, the issue I have is that he is currently homeless & sleeping on a friends sofa, apparently his step dad kicked him out but my daughter has not even asked why! His friend told her they argued a lot & he would get real angry!He came over to watch a movie yesterday & I was shocked at his appearance, his clothes were dirty, he looked disheveled & he didn’t smell too good either & I just can not get my head around why my daughter who takes care of how she looks & dresses would want to date a guy who looks like this, he seems ok but I can’t help feel embarrassed & I know I might sound mean but for me I can understand he may not have nice clothes but there’s no excuse not to keep yourself clean, the house he is staying at looks like an absolute mess too, I feel sorry for him but at the same time I’m horrified my daughter is dating him & I’ve voiced my opinion to my daughter & it has caused huge arguments but for all I know he may of done something real bad to be kicked out of his home, he works a few hours here & there but does not attend college. Should I be concerned, I lay awake at night with anxiety!!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Justme78, thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you are in a difficult position as a parent and are feeling unsure as to what to do next. Do you think it may be possible that his current appearance and hygiene is due to his living situation at the moment? Getting kicked out of home with nowhere else to go can be an incredibly stressful situation for any person and so this may be having a significant impact.

We can understand the concern that you have, especially considering that you don't seem to know a lot about this boy or why he has been kicked out of home. It seems like your daughter is quite close to this boy, regardless of his situation and appearance which sounds like it is something that you struggle to understand. I am wondering if it would be helpful for you to look into some support services in your area for this boy? It may help him to find a stable home and somewhere to shower. It can also show your daughter that you are trying to help someone who is important to her, even though you may not agree with her dating choice. In turn, it could allow her to feel more comfortable keeping you in the loop should anything change

[Lolos]

It can be challenging for parent to see her kid  not doing well. I will suggest that you befriend your daughter. Be your daughter's friend. Win her confidence. I guess if you could do this, with time she will  trust  and confide in you the more . And whatever advice you offered will be acceptable because you both are on the same page and she will realise you are acting on her own interest 

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Lolos , I agree that building trust with young people is incredibly important - are there any things that you've found helpful in helping to build that trust in your own family? Would love to hear about your experiences