Divorced father broken relationship with duaghter

[Mouton1971]

Goog day, been divorced for a couple of years, duaghter 15 yesrs old staying with mom. The problem is the motber seems to have no or very little control over her. I for instance don't don't like my daughters griends and feels it's the wrowg crowd to hang out with. As of lately my daughter does not visit me that offen, when i contact her she's got one excuse after a nother. I spoke to the mothe about these wrong friends, but lately i finds out that the mother lets het go out with these friends without informimg me or even when i do not give my permissiomln she still goes. Daughter tells me over the phone she wants to make her own decisions for herself, then we argue over the phone and she becomes like the authority digure and telling me what she will and will and will not do. She is hanging out with friends and some 19 year old boys and i feel trouble comming, but she just refuses to come to me or even listen to me. I aslo become threatening over the phone and that went horribly sideways. Please can someone assist me guiding me on how to win my daugter back and building up die father daughter relationship

[Janine-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Mouton1971 , 

That sounds like such a difficult situation, I'm so sorry to hear that the relationship with your daughter has been rocky. Do you and your ex-partner have a formal shared custody arrangement, or is your daughter living with her mother full time? Separation and negotiating the different rules and boundaries across different households can be so stressful - unfortunately we are an Australian service so I don't have a lot of knowledge about support services where you are, but talking things through with a mediator or someone who's removed from the situation  can really help a lot - I did find this service in South Africa if you think that would be helpful? 

We also have some great resources on our website on how to help your teen through a family separation, including separated families sharing what's worked for them - you can check those out here i

Phone conversations can be really hard, it can be easy for things to escalate when emotions are running high - do you think you'd be able to see your daughter in person, or write her a letter to let her know how you're feeling? 

I'm also just going to tag a few community members with similar aged kids who can hopefully share their experiences and advice as well  @Birdwings  @Isblind @Babymomma 

[Janine-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Mouton1971 , 

That sounds like such a difficult situation, I'm so sorry to hear that the relationship with your daughter has been rocky. Do you and your ex-partner have a formal shared custody arrangement, or is your daughter living with her mother full time? Separation and negotiating the different rules and boundaries across different households can be so stressful - unfortunately we are an Australian service so I don't have a lot of knowledge about support services where you are, but talking things through with a mediator or someone who's removed from the situation  can really help a lot - I did find this service in South Africa if you think that would be helpful? 

We also have some great resources on our website on how to help your teen through a family separation, including separated families sharing what's worked for them - you can check those out here i

Phone conversations can be really hard, it can be easy for things to escalate when emotions are running high - do you think you'd be able to see your daughter in person, or write her a letter to let her know how you're feeling? 

I'm also just going to tag a few community members with similar aged kids who can hopefully share their experiences and advice as well  @Birdwings  @Isblind @Babymomma 

[Mouton1971]

Thanks!!!