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HELP! At a loss and super worried.

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HELP! At a loss and super worried.

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Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sunshine72  I can only imagine how it must feel knowing he is doing the graffiti it must be difficult. I agree you might need to not think about it as it will just make you feel worse. You cannot stop him hopefully he just gets tired off it .

It's so hard when we dont know where they are or what they are doing. This age is insane and so very hard to navigate but you are doing a good job. He is still coming home still going to school even though he isnt doing all the work at least he is showing up. He is holding down a job and now open to the idea of work experience which is great . Is he at a public school because I dont think they can fail him if he is .There are alot of kids out there that dont go home so we are lucky in that respect. But I hear you the disrespect is hurtful and it's because we care.

My son is happy right now but I have seen this before until the slightest thing doesnt go his way then he falls back but right now im taking it .

Its going to be a long road ahead for both of us xx

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Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,

You’re right. Our son is better when things go his way but as soon as they don’t, all hell breaks lose.

He’s at a private school. They’ll want him to stay for the $$ but if he becomes too much they’ll want him out. Fine line. Highly unlikely they’ll fail him. Just give him E’s on his report and suggest he pull up his socks.

Absolutely take the wins. You deserve them and you’ve made them happen. I so love that he opened up with you. So good.

Let’s hope the week continues. One day at a time. You’re doing sensationally! xx
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Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sunshine72  How are you today? Was last night ok?

As er normal my son didnt go to school today. I knew it wouldn't last. I gave him money for the week for school so I told him today he needs to give it back says he doesnt have it. So I promptly said ok well thats the last cent you get from me as you said you would go to school.

Im not arguing with him its his choice and he can live with it later.

Hope your day is better than mine x

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Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,

Nooooooooooo. How does this happen? I really thought you’d had a break through. Do you think there’s something else going on at school with the girls/boys? You know him best but Is it worth a shot asking him if there’s something at school that’s making him not want to go? Although I guess it will depend on his demeanour. He spoke yesterday do I wonder if he might talk today?

I’m so sorry! If only we knew what’s bothering them.

My son went to school with a grunt this morning and no personal grooming. I did manage to have him eat breakfast this morning which is my ein of the day. Normally he just walks straight out the door with 0 seconds to spare.

I’m really sorry about today. I hope he might share some of his thoughts with you as he’s spoken to you on other occasions. xxx
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Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hello @Sunshine72  no he just said its too early when my hubby went up then I have been up numerous times. Says I'll go but I want you to pick me up early. I said no as its already nearly 10.30 he hasnt even showered or anything as im not going to drop him off late just to turn around and go straight back to pick him up.

Its because he hasnt dont the work but thats on him not me so he can live with his choice im sick of the arguments and having too sit around all day cancel whatever plans I have just to take him and pick him up when he feels like it.

Im so glad your son went today thats great x

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Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,

It’s frustrating how everything has to be on their terms! You’re right standing your ground as I think they think we’re on their beckon call.

I wish it was easier for us. Hopefully one day they’ll see the light (hopefully not before it’s too late!)
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Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sunshine72 yes i agree and as soon as i went out to the shops he test he was going out. I asked where are you going and got nothing
Just cant get thru its crazy
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Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,

This emotional roller coaster of up’s and downs is beyond frustrating. One step forward and one step back. It’s so hard and really plays with our emotions.

Sometimes I dread going home. Being treated this way. I have to ask myself why we care so much. If it wasn’t our flesh and blood we wouldn’t put up with it.

I hope your son comes home early and makes contact. Hate when they’re out without knowing who they’re with and where they are, you can’t help but think they’re up to no good.

We keep pressing forward. We have to. Xx
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Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,

Well our evening went from bad to worse. It was Time for a lift to work and I mistakenly said I am coming to get your plate and washing before we leave so please pick up your clothes. (I’d been asking since the weekend!!) I knocked and went in and took the plate and said could you please pick up your clothes and give me your washing. He said he had none. I said these are dirty. His response was, No they’re not,and he started shouting in an angry voice, get out, leave! I stood there and he began shouting more . I don’t shout and know nothing good comes from it but I broke.
I shouted!
I shouted back, Don’t speak to me in that way.

His response was ‘stop shouting, you started this by shouting at me’

I replied ‘you shouted and I shouted back’ and he continued to shout so I left. So much for choosing my battles hey!

In the next few minutes he came out of his room to get a lift to work and said, we need to go.

I said when you speak nicely to me.

He said why should I.

I asked, why do you think you should speak nicely and I got, ‘i don’t know’

I said when you know I’ll give you a lift. He said, ‘cause you make me’

i responded with that’s not why we should talk nicely.

He said are you driving me or not. I really didn’t want to but it’s not the right thing to do in the heat of the moment, so I took him. He refused to speak the whole way and I tried talking to him. I even said you always say you’re not a kid but this is not how adults act. He got out at work and I said bye and he just slammed the door and left.

I drove home and my husband had returned home by now and I told him what happened. He was so angry. I think he has reached his threshold and I have to be honest that I am almost at that point hence the reason I probably pushed the pick up your clothes.

So all this over picking up some clothes. Sounds beyond ridiculous.

Anyway my husband was sooooooo angry that he vented all his anger about our sons behaviour and choices, and sadly we are struggling to find any positives about him. He hates us, he spends zero time with us. He doesn’t speak with us. He breaks any rule we negotiate with him. He lies. he breaks the law. He doesn’t wash. If he wasn’t our flesh and blood we wouldn’t accept any of this.

So hubby and I started to have a disagreement talking about this, purely out of sheer anger and frustration which made us both upset. We’ve since come together but I’m not okay that our son’s behaviour creates tension with us. We are back on a united front but these horrible feelings we have to endure are not okay. We’d like to find a positive of what joy, what positivity he brings, what we can be proud of? We don’t expect much but it’s devastating for us that we sadly can’t find a thing to be proud of. It hurts! We offer every support but we are shut down at every turn. everything is one way. We are at our wits end.

We’ll keep keeping on but once he turns 18 I’m afraid that we will not accept any of this treatment or behaviour. We will no longer be responsible for his choices. The door will always be open for him to come home but only if ‘our’ rules are adhered to. this treatment of us and disregard for everything will no longer be tolerated!

We’ll be the parents, the better people offering support and helping him until 18,but that’s it!! Now to last for 2 more years!!

I hope your night is better than ours. xx
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Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sunshine72 im so sorry this happened. Reading your post i can hear your both getting to the point of giving up which i must say my hubby and i are already there.
You post sounds like our house mostly. I can totally understand you shouting back you are human after all and have been pushed to your limits. I get it i really do I wish i could give you a hug so ill give you a virtual one instead x

My hubby called my son on his way home from work to see if he needed a lift. His call was ignored but instead he got a text saying yes? My hubby text back asking if he needed to be picked up he said no he was getting the bus soon.
He got home at 6.45 pm went straight upstairs. Came down ate dinner didnt speak a word. He then came down to ask hubby re going to the gym. They are there now.

Like you we too have had enough. We are sick of being held hostage and emotionally and verbally abused. Its not how you should live no one should.
We too have talked and as soon as he is 18 if things continue like then he can leave. I know that sounds so harsh but this is something that has been going on for a while and it is destroying us both.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for us all x