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HELP! At a loss and super worried.

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HELP! At a loss and super worried.

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Prolific scribe
Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hello @Sunshine72
Sadly after everything feeling numb is probably normal and needed for your sanity
Things here same really no school again but the interview for the school he said he wanted is tomorrow at 9am. I dont know how we will get him there that early but we will see. I have been giving him a bit of money just to keep the peace to get him to go But if he doesnt go then thats it.
Im trying not to think about it to be honest cause its just stressful but if he doesnt go then he will get a job because he will have NO money from us.
Is your son still talking to your hubby?
Hopefully he doesnt come home too late tonight
Thinking of you x
Prolific scribe
Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee 

Oooh, that sounds promising that he's going to attend the interview tomorrow. I so hope he does. I would do anything to get him there too.  I totally understand your apprehension that he may not go but it's clear you've supported him with every opportunity. This could be just what he needs, a fresh start. The ball is totally in his court. I hope it all goes well tomorrow. 

Hubby asked my son if he's contacted his potential employer and he just hurled abuse at my hubby so that's the type of talking he got this afternoon and then stormed off out and added, 'why can't you just sort it?' 

If I'm honest I feel really sorry for his potential employer. He's giving our son a chance and doesn't know anything about him so it could go haywire which I'm expecting it will. I just don't see him lasting. Anything that involves study or effort is just 'too hard' and he says, 'I can't be bothered.'  I would never say to him, 'that I don't see him lasting' and I am more than hopeful that it all works out but with his effort, way he speaks to people and his care factor ... I just can't see him holding down a trade. Please let him prove me wrong. Right now I have to focus on the positive that he's going to give it a go.  

All the best for tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. xx

 

Prolific scribe
Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hello @Sunshine72 

Well after a hissy fit over having no socks he went to the interview. Thank goodness. I have no idea how it went but then they got home and now he is having a fit saying he isnt going anywhere all because his dad didnt take him straight after to buy socks. He didnt even ask his day just came bursting in slamming door and screaming.

Anyway he is screaming up in his bedroom so I am leaving him alone to calm down. I just dont understand how he can go from zero to 100 so quickly

Im like you I feel for my sons future employer and even the school if he ever goes because how on earth are they meant to deal with that.

Hope your day is going ok xx

Prolific scribe
Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hi @Sandee,

Isn’t it bizarre what triggers them. Clearly there’s something going on but socks or whatever it is at the time is what they use as the reason. Still though, it’s soooo good that he went! When will you hear from the school?

I heard from the school today. (By email) Another detention. For not having the right equipment at school today. I’m at work late today so by the time I get home he’ll be out. He’s still not talking and if I bring it up when I do see him, I know what language I will receive in return.

Here comes the weekend again. Big sigh.

Hope your son has calmed down and hope you hear good news from school. xx

Prolific scribe
Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hello @Sunshine72  

Yes I have no clue what triggers them and the fact they speak so horribly to us it’s just crazy.

 

They have accepted him which is great so fingers crossed he goes next year.  It’s a huge relief that he is enrolled as legally he has to be   I know e won’t go back next well the old school but there is not much more I can do about that.

I’m so sorry your son to detention it’s awful when you see the school phone number come up.

 

I am actually  on a plane again as heading down for the scattering of my brothers ashes. It’s only a quick trip back home Sunday lunch..

 

I hope the weekend isn’t too bad for both of us . I really wish things were different for us as it’s rough dealing with our kids like this.

 

Thinking of you xx

Prolific scribe
Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,
Great news! What a relief about school accepting him. I hope that makes him feel better too. Hopefully a fresh start helps.

Sounds like an emotionally tough weekend with scattering the ashes. Im so sorry. I hope you find some comfort in being together with your mum. Sending hugs. Take care of yourself. xx
Prolific scribe
Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sunshine72 Thank you xx
Prolific scribe
Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee,
Been thinking of you all day. 🙏🏼 I know it would have been a very difficult day but hope it went as best as it could. May your brother rest in peace and be laid to rest. Big hugs to you. Hope you’re ok/as well as you can be considering.
xxx
Prolific scribe
Sandee

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

Hello @Sunshine72  Thank you I’m heartbroken but I’m glad he is now at peace in one of his favourite places. It’s was beautiful xx

How are you going ? I know weekends are hard so I hope your ok xx

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Prolific scribe
Sunshine72

Re: HELP! At a loss and super worried.

@Sandee 

It's understandable you are heartbroken. So tough to go through. May your brother rest in peace. I hope you do find comfort in that you were able to lay him to rest at one of his favourite places. My heart goes out to you. It really puts a lot of things into perspective. xx

 

How's your hubby at home with your son? Hope the weekend has been ok?

 

I'm really sad to say that the weekend has been absolutely terrible. Friday night he waltzed in before 1am and then left Sat am. Refused to acknowledge, talk or text with me. There's been some communication with hubby (until this morning Sun). Yesterday my husband called him and he answered the phone on the third attempt with 'what' My hubby explained that he had not seen him in the morning and was ringing to say good morning and check in. He said I'm find and hung up. 

In the evening my husband sent one simple text to ask, "what time will you be home. You were out late yesterday, so please be home by 10pm." His response was multiple insulting one line texts.

-

Leave me alone.

I'm out.

I'll do what I want and be home when I want.

I don't want to be having these bulls*** conversations

I'll be home later

Leave me alone

-

We left it a couple of hours and then wrote; We expect you home by 10pm. No reply. He came home at 11pm and got up this morning. My husband tried talking to him about a home time today with school tomorrow and then said, we love and care for you and that was his trigger. He yelled, 'that's the reason I don't talk to mum'  He lost his s***, stormed off, slammed the door and walked out. 

So he's not talking to me because I love and care for him!

My hubby was rather upset (and angry) afterwards. We are so sad to say that he currently brings absolutely nothing to the family. No communication, no respect for anyone, no care factor, does nothing at home or school, his room is a rubbish tip full of clothes, food wrappers, rubbish, cups, bottles, plates, shoes and just stuff! It's disgraceful. Like I've said before, if he wasn't our son we wouldn't put up it. I am embarrassed that we do put up it but we just don't know what else there is. We can let him know our expectations which he doesn't follow anyway. We can't move his mouth to make him communicate, we can't drag him across the floor and force his hand to pick up his room. We can't do his school work for him. I'm looking for what can we do. We can keep trying to communicate calmly with him (not working!) we can be there for him (we are and it's not helping), we can say you're no longer welcome here (and what send him onto the streets at 16). If we say follow the rules or you're out, yes he has the choice but if he doesn't follow the rules it's the same as sending him onto the streets. I know he'll go.

I try to find the positives in him. I really do. It's disturbing that I can't find them. I try to address the behaviour and not attack him. No matter what tact we try we hit roadblocks and rebellion each time.  Try to get his point of view and it's just met with hostility and him verbally abusing us.  His behaviour is nothing short of disgraceful (and illegal) and come 18, the conversation will be had. Follow the house rules of respect otherwise he is no longer welcome and needs to find his own place. He will always be welcome back at any point that he chooses to follow the rules but the question is whether WE will last the next 2 years until then?  

Such a sad situation that I feel is totally avoidable. Life could be so good. We don't ask for a lot but clearly that's too much for him. I have to question whether there is still a good person in there that once was? I fear for his future and those he encounters if this behaviour continues.  What a sad state of affairs.