Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Moloko it's great to hear that you are having a lovely day with your daughter and that she is feeling happy and settled  Teenage years are such a roller coaster ride so it's wonderful when you are able to have days like today. I'm sorry to hear you have felt a bit judged by other parents. It's great that you are able to talk with friends that keep it real and tell it like it is by sharing their own struggles. We're always here to listen 

[Moloko]

@Lan-RO
I am so grateful for this page and the wonderful advice and support that is here.

Yes it's great when they are happy and settled, I think it allows you as a parent to just take a moment to breath. We have actually had a great week which has been so lovely. Lots of talking, listening on my part. I absolutely think the class move to be with her peers has been one of the most positive things we have done. Shes happy so she is learning.
I think the friendship conflicts will continue and those are her lessons to learn and I just have to try and be here and listen and support.
Hopefully she will give counseling a go and gain some tools to help her.

[Ginger9708]

So how is everything going with your daughter as this was from awhile ago.  Wow reading this it sounds so much like what my 14 year old is going through right now.  Mine too went from a bubbly kid to a sullen, quiet, and  acting out.  Now  in the morning she won’t eat breakfast and also with the fake sicknesses.   She confided in me finally and a similar situation at school.  She wants to homeschool but my husband said no but have to look at other options if this continues.  She is being teased, excluded, etc..

[Ginger9708]

So how is everything going with your daughter as this was from awhile ago.  Wow reading this it sounds so much like what my 14 year old is going through right now.  Mine too went from a bubbly kid to a sullen, quiet, and  acting out.  Now  in the morning she won’t eat breakfast and also with the fake sicknesses.   She confided in me finally and a similar situation at school.  She wants to homeschool but my husband said no but have to look at other options if this continues.  She is being teased, excluded, etc..

[Moloko]

@Ginger9708
Thanks for your message and thanks for asking.
Things are actually going really well. My daughter had a pretty good end of her year academically and is much happier and settled in her new class, which transfers over to home.
She still has friendship struggles and conflicts but I am trying to still just listen and only give advice if she asks, learning how to manage her friendships is something she has to do herself and she learns valuable lessons along the way. It seems at this age there are a lot of dramas especially with girls. 😭
She is going to do counseling which I hope helps.
We still have the odd outburst and pushing boundaries but on a whole she is a lot more calm and we have gotten a lot closer and our trust in each other is something we both value very much.
It's been a difficult journey over the last 18 months, moving schools etc
And I'm sure we will have more hurdles to overcome over the next few years, but it was a decision we do not regret. She is a lot stronger and more resilient because if everything she has been through.
I feel for you and your daughter as it's hard to see your child hurting at the actions of others. For us moving her to a bigger school allowed her to choose her own friends and if they did have conflicts she could just go hang with other friends, her old school was very small so she had no where to go which was the main cause of how isolated she felt.

Please let me know how you get on with your daughter and if there is any way I can help.

[Jess1-RO]

Thank you for checking in @Moloko and letting us know that your daughter is more settled at her new class- I can imagine this is a relief for you and your family

I am wondering with your experiences with schooling recently, whether you would be interested in sharing some tips on our back to school thread here that other parents might be able to read and benefit from? This coming week is going to be a busy one for families readjusting to school. Has your daughter returned to school for Term 1 yet?

We really hope this year will be a better year for you both and that your daughter feels more connected with peers at her new school

[Moloko]

Thanks Jess1-RO
I would be happy to contribute
Alas I feel we are in for a bumpy few weeks as school starts due to friend dramas....again. fallen out with her friend and wants to move to a different class. I'm a tab bit over the friend dramas to be honest and exhausted by it.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Moloko, it can be frustrating to keep up with all these different changes. Is moving classes possible or how do you handle the situation? It is no easy place to be in and does get exhausting after a while.

[Moloko]

@Taylor-RO
Yes it is exhausting. She moved class last year so I dont want her to think she can move whenever it suits. It's a hard one. I will chat to her teacher about it and see what they recommend and go from there.

[Moloko]

Ok so the start of school hasn't started so well. We are only in the first week of school and huge fight with my daughter today. She is having major friendship dramas and schools only just started. My daughter has expressed that she wants to leave her friend group, that they make her feel crap about herself, her self esteem is at its lowest and its breaking my heart. She called herself fat and ugly tonight in tears. Its heartbreaking as no matter what I say she says that's just how she feels.
She has started hanging out with new people, I'm not sure about them, but she says they are less drama and shes trying to leave her old friend group. The old friends have turned a bit nasty and are spreading rumors about her, giving her nasty looks at school and I can tell its hurting her, she just wants to be away from them. They have excluded her most of the holidays and yet give her grief when she hangs out with other people and get moody when she doesn't drop everything when they want to do something. There is constant drama in the friend group, its toxic in my opinion. Always someone on the outs and the main people turn on them. They all talk rubbish about each other and there is no loyalty or genuine sense of friendship there, I think they prefer tearing each other down over building each other up.
I am really concerned at the moment and she is making some poor decisions and starting to lie. She is starting to push the boundaries again. I'm not sure what to do...how best to handle this. Im trying to just listen but I really think she needs to talk to someone. We have a counselor but she said she wont open up about her friends to her.
Any suggestions? We just want the best for her and for her to be surrounded by people that make her feel good about herself.
I'm worried if we are too strict she will rebel more and if we aren't strict enough she will go off the rails. Some days it's really tough parenting a strong willed teen.