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Healing after my daughter's recovery took a nosedive

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Healing after my daughter's recovery took a nosedive

Prolific scribe

Re: Healing after my daughter's recovery took a nosedive

Letting go of my expectations of how things should be and accepting things as they actually are was a huge moment for me @taokat @Faob_1.  I'm glad it reasonates with you both. And yes, I agreee it takes constant reminders to let go of them. I have to check myself reguarly! I think they're kind of ingrained in us and our culture.


I think you're right on the money @Faob_1 it's about expressing our standards, morals and hopes in a different way. For example, modeling them and positively reinforcing them. I statements are so powerful, arent they! I'm not really too sure about the drug testing. It might be worth checking with the GP?


I'm going to google that book right now @taokat! Thank you so much! Jon Kabat-Zinn is like the guru when it comes to western mindfulness and he goes into the philosophy behind things, which I've found just as powerful as the actual practice of mindfulness.

Super star contributor

Re: Healing after my daughter's recovery took a nosedive

I'm like you @Erin-RO, I can find as much peace just having an understanding as to the hows and whys - of nearly any situation really! I really look forward to reading Jon Kabat-Zinn's work as I'm interested to learn anything new, but also interested to see how western and Buddhist philosophies compare. There's a great self-care project right there!


'I' statements are so powerful as they don't place blame and I'm so glad that's something you've found to be helping @Faob_1. I so related to you saying that you can't parent a child who doesn't want to be parented! I've said this myself many times over the years, but I'm grateful for the help we've had that has helped me to see that my daughter does want and need me to parent her deep down. Even with this last trouble spot where I've been annoyed at her attitude, lack of respect etc, she said in one of our counselling sessions "I'm only 15". It actually made me frustrated in the session because I feel she never listens to me and thinks she's an adult - but the counsellor said it was my daughter saying "I'm 15. This is all out of control for me and I need you mum." So, it's about finding a different way to communicate or needing to renegotiate certain things as she gets older. The bloody goal posts keep moving and I'm not sure when that stops! 


I haven't heard about home drug tests, but something your GP or a counsellor could advise you on.