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Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

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Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

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Casual scribe
Lostdad

Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Hello my daughter is 12 and self harmed when she was 11 but last monday she self harmed again and she has been very up and down of late and has been seeing a psychologist for about half a year and is in anti depressants and seemed to be doing much better till that monday when everything went down hill fast.taking about killing her self and saying things to me no dad should have to hear or be called we have always been very close she has told me i am her rock but now she is trying to hurt my mentality and yes its working but i am not giving up on her last night my wife and i took her to the childens hospital and while there she had a break down and the decided to admit her in to the children's psychiatric ward. This was a great relief and the hardest thing i have ever had to do at the same time. She has a younger bother and sister that love her so much and i just want her to get the help she needs to be the kids she deserves to be. My question is how do we stay strong for her and her bother and sister when i fell so bad for putting her there?(i am a mess) and know my kids need me to be strong I have been up all night reading about other peoples experiences good and bad . How did you get thou this ?

Contributor
Sister

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Hi @Lostdad,

 

You, your daughter and family have been through a lot so please don't be hard on yourself, @Lostdad. Safety is always first and you have done the correct thing by taking your daughter to the hospital. The decision that staff made to admit her to the unit was a necessary task and was in your daughters best interests.

 

Guilt is a negative emotion however as parents we go through it and other feelings. A lot of us here on the forum have gone through this roller-coaster of emotions and understandably we wish to stay strong for the rest of the family.

 

So...the first thing you need to do @Lostdad to stay strong for your other children is to reassure yourself that you did the necessary thing by taking your daughter to the hospital. It would have been negligent to have done otherwise. You are a good and responsible dad to care for your daughters welfare so much. 

 

Secondly, you need to LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. Do something you totally enjoy....which might seem difficult at such a time when your daughter is in hospital but its not impossible. In my and other peoples experience going through these difficult times it is vital that we care for ourselves......giving to others all the time can wear us out and it can catch up with us if we don't look after our own mental health. So please do something right now for you. 

 

Thirdly, do you have a relative or family friend who could care for your two other children so you and your wife can have some time together?

 

Be good to yourself....try and keep things simple if you can as going through a crisis such as this can really deplete your energy. Use as much support systems as possible. School counsellors, psychologists, mental health workers, GPs or anyone else whom the hospital staff recommend. You needn't be alone.

 

There is another dad on this forum. @Schooner who has been through a tough time with his son. He might be able to give you some suggestions too.

 

Take Care....its a tough time but you WILL get through it.

 

 

Prolific scribe
Schooner

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Hi @Lostdad,

 

It's heartbreaking sometimes, this parenting job.

 

My son (15 now) turned on me a few times. I guess I thought that was his depression, or medication, talking, not him. So I let it slide. It's hard, but try to think of it as not your daughter saying those things. They are not thinking at those times, and really it is a call for help in the only way they know how.

 

My son got very frustrated with the slow progress, false starts, and so forth. That's where a lot of his anger came from. I felt the frustration too, so I think I understand a little of what he was feeling.

 

I don't have any magic solution to keeping up your strength. Sister has given you some good ideas. I would suggest you take advantage of the times when your daughter is in hospital, it's about the only time I got a half-decent nights rest.

 

This forum helps me. Writing down what is going on in your head is great therapy. I don't think we guys are very good at talking to therapists (at least I'm not) so this forum let's us express ourselves anonymously. There is also good practical advice to be found here. Whatever problem you encounter someone else has probably done it before, and they can give you a hint or two.

 

I think most of us here (including me) have found ourselves pushed to the limit by these situations so if you are feeling lost and exhausted at least you know that's common. I walk as much as I can, it's a time when I can think, plus I need the exercise. I try not to drink too much, and I try to get enough sleep. 

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm told most kids respond eventually to treatment and improve at least significantly. My son is a lot better after 2 years, but still on medication. 

Hang in there.

 

Cheers

Super star contributor
taokat

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Message contains a hyperlink

Hi @Lostdad, and welcome to the forum. Just quickly, I've edited your post to remain with the community guidelines. We just remain mindful of everyone so don't post details about self harming methods, but the general term is a-okay.

 

Parenting is so tough, especially when our kids are struggling. We are our toughest critics too, but trust in the team there and know that they wouldn't have admitted your daughter if they didn't feel it was the best thing for her. You've done what's in the best interests of your daughter, and that's a loving parent. Your love and concern for your family is so clear in your post. 

 

This is way easier said than done, but it does help me to remember that the level of frustration or anger shown to me by my daughter matches her level of suffering inside. Our kids love us and we are their rocks, as your daughter said you are. We've been on this road a long time, with many ups and some really low lows, but my daughter tells me on a good day how much she loves me and how grateful she is that I've stuck by her and not given up.

 

I think what helps me get through is counselling, making sure I get some time out during the week for myself to do something that fulfills me (self-care - so important!), sometimes I cry, sometimes I get angry with the situation then I cry. I'm also learning that each negative situation will pass which is relieving. 

 

ReachOut offers parent coaching which is a wonderful service that gives parents practical and relevant skilld and tools to help us manage in our varying circumstances. Follow the link here to find out more. It's free and done over the phone and using your computer so easily accessible. It could be helpful in finding ways to help the family process and manage. Let us know what you thik.

 

 

Casual scribe
Lostdad

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Thank YOU for the reply and kind words
Casual scribe
Lostdad

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

Thank you and sorry
Totally understand
Super star contributor
taokat

Re: Hello all,I have never been on a forum before but nows the time

No apologies needed at all @Lostdad! The main thing is that you are here and getting support, so don't give it another thought.