Help!!

[Bacardi]

Hey so long story short I have found some stuff on my daughter's laptop amd phone that is inappropriate. She has been on chat rooms talking to boys overseas and adding them on instagram. She has also started "dating" guys from America. She has posted some pictures which I seem as inappropriate not nude but close enough and also changed her name to something like your sex slave. There is more but that's the short version. I have changed wifi passwords and confiscated all technology and she will be grounded. The question I really need help with is, is it wrong to confiscate her bank card also she works and the money is hers but I don't want her going out and buying a new phone or anything. My husband and myself aren't sure if that is the wrong thing to do or is it ok until she can learn this online behaviour isn't on. No judgement please I just need other non biased opinions. Thanks for reading

[Lolos]

Hmmm.. this is a  tricky one. First , you need to win your daughter to yourself. Build a solid relationship, build trust. She has problem with her self esteem and she is ready to do what those naughty boys ask her to do. Secondly, sit her down and let her see the reasons why she should not do wrong stuff. Let her know those guys does not respect her and her body. Let her know if someone really love her they wont be asking her stupid requests. 

Confiscating  her card ,phone etc is a good way to show your displeasure  but that is not the solution to the problem. You need to let her know she does not need to do the bidding of those naughty boys  to validate her beauty. 

Try and understand her feeling  and show genuine concern. All shall be well .

[MaryRO]

Hi @Bacardi,

I can only imagine how stressed you must be with this situation.  I understand that you want to keep your daughter safe as well as respect her autonomy.  The decision to confiscate her bank card is a very tricky one to make and is a hard one to answer.   

Have you thought about discussing this situation with her school, so that they can keep an eye on things while she's there?  Also have you thought about participating in a parenting program that focuses on children in her age group and/or a family program that may deal with this topic in a sensitive, non-judgmental, yet informative way?  This may include both parents and child to attend. Your daughter's school may be able to direct you with what supports that are out there.  It might be of benefit to have your daughter join a mentor program, this can help to her to have a positive role model in her life that is outside of the family.  Sometimes this can be a huge support for children.

I wish you and your family the best outcome.  

[Bacardi]

Thanks for the advice guys. I have spoken to her and it went way better than I thought it would. She didn't react like I was thinking she would. We have disabled her accounts and she accepts her phone is being taken away for some time. She also asked me to delete everything (social media) but as I said to her I can do that but what's stopping her from opening a new account. We have decided together more so her it's a good idea to stay away from it all for a bit and get her head straight. Thanks again

[Lolos]

Beautiful ! on the right path. Wishing you and your family the very best.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Bacardi , 

It's so wonderful to hear that the conversation with your daughter went well, I can imagine that would have been such a hard one to navigate as a parent. 

ReachOut have  a few resources around sexting that I thought might be helpful for you and your daughter- they also outline some of the potential long term/ legal consequences to keep in mind (especially if she's underage), and has some good ideas for how to approach those chats

How to talk to your teenager about sexting

Looking after privacy online

Things to think about: sending nudes (this one is aimed at young people) 

It sounds like you've done such a good job having a really tough conversation with your daughter - I hope you can do something nice for yourself in the next few days too, I imagine that would've been a pretty confronting experience for you. 

[Alicesprings_86]

Hello ,

My heart goes out to you both . I also have a 15 year old daughter that is involved in risky behaviours . I have tried to confiscate wifi and phone, but unfortunately, you will probably find your daughter will get on her friends computer 😞 . I would try and chat with her about the risks . I also would notify her school and ask if there is counseling at school. . I also would put a parent lock on her computer and cut of her wifi to her phone. It’s hard parenting a 15 year old . Please make sure both parents are on the same page and stick together on your decisions. I would also have a chat to your local police station and ask to speak to the youth officer there and they may be able to have a look into her computer of who she is talking to . I hope this helps

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Alicesprings_86 

Thanks so much for sharing your support and insight on what is a really distressing situation for parents. It's always reassuring to hear from someone who's been through something similar. 

You mentioned that your daughter is also engaging in risky behaviours, is that online or in person too?

Going by your advice, it sounds like you've done all the right things by talking to your daughter's school, encouraging her to get support from her school counsellor and seeking support from the police. Did you find this has helped you and your daughter's situation?

[GoingCrazyMum]

Hey there I'm so sorry to hear about your teen mine is going thru the same thing atm... Personally taking away their devices and changing wifi passwords and grounding etc made NO DIFFERENCE... They get more defensive and closed off its a hard 1... have you had online safety talks with your teen??

[GoingCrazyMum]

Sorry I don't mean to downgrade your worries but at least they are overseas and she can't just get a train or bus there instead of school 1 day...