Helping too much

[Basix]

My Year 10, 15 y/o was recently diagnosed as ADHD at the higher end of the spectrum, With this also came the associated levels of depression. My son is almost incapable of concentrating for any reasonable length of time, or even feel confident enough to start, let alone complete an assignment or even study.
Medication looked promising to start with, and yes it is continuing, and he has a great relationship with his psychiatrist but enthusiasm levels and self esteem are very very low. Needless to say we are concerned how all the associated stresses with not being able to cope will manifest themselves.
We have tried sitting down to assist him with his homework/assignments but it becomes so frustrating for all involved that we just give up and My wife and I effectively do the assignment for him.
I know this is counter productive but the alternative of not providing anything, (which would certainly happen) is frightening to us!
He wants to do well but I feel his mind is too all-over-the-place to be able to be able to learn effectively by traditional methods.
We are hoping career focused year 11-12 subjects of his own choosing next year might assist.
I’d love to hear from anyone who is or has experienced similar circumstances and how they navigated these turbulent waters.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Basix,

It's great to hear that you've been able to get support for your son in terms of seeing a psychiatrist and medication, and it's really positive that your son has a great relationship with his psychiatrist.

I'm wondering if you son is getting (or might be open to getting) any other support for depression such as regular counselling sessions? School counsellors can be a really helpful resource to further talk through issues of self-esteem and the impact on schooling.

It does sound like an incredibly frustrating situation for you all, and I want to acknowledge the work you're putting in - you clearly really love and care for your son, and want the best for him. Have you had much contact with his school around these issues? Sometimes the school is able to provide extra support around assignment/homework extensions, do you feel this could be useful?

I hope that choosing subjects assists too, @Basix. A lot of young people enjoy having that autonomy around their learning and are able to engage more with school once they are in year 11. 

It's important as well that you and your wife are able to take time out for yourselves, is there something you two enjoy doing together to take a break?

I hope other parents are able to share their experiences as well 

[Basix]

Thanks for your reply.

On our last visit to psychologist she did discuss options with school re extra assistance and extensions to assignments etc, and yes we are exploring these options however getting him to commit to attending extra classes is another matter!!
Also, unfortunately he doesn’t really gel with the school councillors but does like at least one of his teachers.
As I mentioned his self esteem is very low and trying to find common ground between us is getting increasingly difficult to find. On a positive there are some promising signs that he is thinking of getting back to exercise by returning to the Gym. (As long as I’m not there)
Anyhow - Thanks for your kind words and thoughts it’s great to have a ‘sounding board’ to share parental frustrations and coping strategies.

[Andrea-RO]

Hello @Basix , I am glad to hear that you were able to discuss some options with the psychologist and that you have various options to explore now. It is great to hear that your son feels comfortable with one of his teachers, hopefully that means that he will be able to talk to them soon about some of his concerns. It is awesome that you have been working really hard with your son to find some common ground to help him feel better. Hopefully being able to go to the gym and workout will be a good outlet for him! Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums