09-15-2017 11:27 AM - last edited on 09-22-2017 08:56 PM by taokat
Hi, ex-pat S.African living in Canada. 2 wonderful teenage sons, both born in Canada. Oldest, 18, especially empathic and kind. Youngest, 15, can be sweet and caring, great w animals and little children. Both have challenging issues that my husband and I are struggling with. Both of us have mental health issues, of course the boys inherited this. Our own issues mean we are often exhausted, and short tempered, very bad for the boys. Especially when they are in their own depressions. Youngest has presented with difficult behavious since abt age 4. Major tantrums, passive-aggressive behaviour, rudeness, helplessness. Also has anxiety. It is so difficult to know when to push him to improve, or just hold him and support him because he is not coping. Have been v worried as both boys are well behind in school. Both are bright, but have focus problems. Father and I are not goid w money and won't be able to support them into adulthood. The outlook for them seems bleak. At times I feel like a monster even having them -what kind of life can they look forward to?
09-15-2017 07:31 PM
Hi @Miztee, thank you for sharing your story. I really relate to your situation in that I also have mental health issues and raise a daughter who has bipolar, ptsd and anxiety. I have depression and ptsd as well, and it can be very difficult to manage sometimes. You sound very down about the whole situation and very concerned for your son's futures and I really feel for you and glad you're reaching out for support. I want to say, you're not a monster at all for having them at all, but I understand that guilt when you know you 'should' be doing better but are unable to. Your post is swimming in your concern and love for your boys. As much as my daughter has her ups and downs, she's glad she was born, and by the lovely qualities you describe in your boys, I'm sure they're glad you had them Challenging behaviours can be tough to deal with for any parent and I know the added difficulty when you're struggling with your own issues as well
We're actually an Australian site, so I'm unsure about the mental health supports available in Canada and how accessible they are, but wondering if you have been able to get yourselves or the boys any help?
I'm also wondering if you'd like me to move your post and start a new topic so it doesn't get lost in the intros? That way you'll also have access to all the other wonderful parents who can offer their support.
09-28-2017 09:44 AM
Hi @Miztee, when I read your post it doesn't sound to me like you are a monster. It sounds to me like you are a caring parent wishing you could help your boys.
My daughter is living with depression & OCD. Both are issues genetically on both sides of her parent's families. Genetics can suck sometimes but I'm sure there are lovely traits you have passed on to your boys as well .. like their kind natures for one.
I urge you to reach out for whatever support is available to you ALL in your area. It is possible to live wonderful lives whilst dealing with the challenges of mental illness. I guess everyone has challenges & this is ours.
09-30-2017 03:59 AM
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