How can I help my daughter who is depressed, and not interested in anything

[MumGuidance]

My daughter is 19 and depressed. She is an only child and has been an introvert over the years with very few friends, now close to none. Keeps a lot to herself. Does not like to meet people or interact. Not interested in anything. Rarely goes out of the house, shop or have fun. Not keen to take up a job. Stays up all night and sleeps in the day. Likes to sit in the dark. Does not open up to me when I talk to her. I have been trying to push her into working for the last couple of years but she is stubborn and resists. I try to talk to her but she does not want to open up to me. I m really concerned about her. At home the relationship between my husband and me is not the best as he is an alcoholic. Always fighting. Has never stood by me or together in the years my daughter was growing up, as a parent - always disagreed with any disciplinary rules I set e.g. not reading in the dark etc. Dont know how to help her when she is not willing to talk to me on this issue. I am trying to probe, to find out if she is still connected to her friends but she does not answer. Trying to encourage her to pursue a hobby but no luck there. Please help..

[Maddy-RO]

Hey @MumGuidance - that sounds really tough . It sounds like your daughter is going through a really hard time. It sounds like you really care for your daughter which is great. I can tell you really want to support her.

As a parent, one of the best things you can do for your child is to let them know that you're there to chat, to be non-judgmental, and to demonstrate acceptance. It sounds like you have tried this with your daughter and that she's not really opening up to you - that must be quite frustrating as a parent.

We have some articles on supporting your teen with depression which I thought I'd share with you;

Depression and teenagers,  practical strategies to help your teen with depression, supporting your teen through depression, and what to do if my teenager doesn't want help.

Also, if you'd like a one-on-one free counselling session on how to best support your daughter, you can register/book an appoint here.

[Rachjaxx]

Hello, 

I just read your post from a couple of months ago. This could have been me writing this almost word for word. How are things going with your daughter now? Has anything changed?

My daughter is 18 and started on meds 3 weeks ago. They haven't kicked in yet and she is lower than ever. A breakup with her boyfriend didn't help. My husband isn't overly helpful, he suffers from depression himself but refuses help, says that he has his own way of dealing with things ie drinking. I'm naturally such a bubbly and positive person, but it's really weighing on me and dragging me down too. I've dealt with depression in my older son too but not to this extent. I just feel like this is never ending. I try so hard to let her know I'm here for her, I'm working from home so I'm here all the time. But she rarely comes to me, and like your daughter she is asleep all day and awake all night. She is barely eating and cries all the time. Locks the door to her room so I can't even pop my head in to see how she is.

This is such a contrast to the silly, funny kid she used to be. We have always been so close so it makes it really hard to have her push me away.

We're in Victoria, Australia and we're in a strict lockdown at the moment so she can't see her friends. Hopefully things will change soon when the meds kick in and she can see her friends again.

Hope things are going a bit better for you and your daughter now.

Sending you strength and big hugs!

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @Rachjaxx 

Thank you for posting here and sharing your message of support with @MumGuidance, you're definitely not alone in what you're going through.

Your situation sounds really draining, @Rachjaxx. It must be so hard feeling like things are never ending and that you're trying your best to be there for your daughter and she is not responding. I hope that she has a positive experience with her medication, how is she feeling about taking it? Is she getting any other support?

It must be such a tough time for her going through her break-up as well as lockdown.  Seems things are really tough for the whole family, I'm glad you've found our forum and you know we're here for support if you need to vent anytime 

It sounds like what's going on for you is having a big impact on your life and wellbeing, and it can sometimes be really helpful for parents to get some one on one support to chat things through, is that something you might be interested in? @Maddy-RO gave a link in the previous post to our parenting coaching service which I'll pop in here, another option could be talking to someone from Parentline which you can access here.

I hope the lockdown eases soon for you all, let us know how you're getting on