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How to deal with sensitive son and jealous daughter during a hard time

How to deal with sensitive son and jealous daughter during a hard time

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Holola

How to deal with sensitive son and jealous daughter during a hard time

Hi, I'm new here. So I have a son and a daughter two years older than my son. Initially, my son was a very bright student but overtime his grades started dropping. My daughter tends to be quite jealous of him and tells me he's been gaming and it isn't fair that she is doing a lot of the chores plus her own schoolwork load so, after a while of confirming that he had been slacking off, I tried talking to him.

However, my son is much more eloquent than myself and I have trouble winning against him and when I do yell he will start to cry and threaten to commit suicide. What can I do? So I just give him a hug and a stern warning and that's usually how it goes. (My daughter is NOT happy with that since she got a much firmer treatment when she did the same thing back then). Maybe because I went through the harsh puberty period with her that I was unwilling to deal with it a second time.

 

Anyway, it's been a few years and my son's nearing his last year of university (bachelors). However this year he had finally failed his two of his core units and I know it's from gaming and other things, not his intelligence or due to overwork (he had three units for this semester instead of four, he didn't take on a part-time job or volunteer). My daughter feels vindicated. Even though she's an adult she loves to complain about how my treatment of her was different, that I should be firmer with my son, that I spoil him more, that he should have done more chores and how the excuse he's in year X while you're in year X+2 is so unfair and will do nothing for him in the future. I was upset at her for constantly nagging at me and questioning me but I can't exactly say anything to that.

My son now wants to drop an entire major instead of repeating the two units because he feels it's too hard. He doesn't seem to care that if he does that all the money for that major (3 years of uni fees) would be wasted. My daughter keeps telling me it's because I never listened to her and made him get a job/volunteer/chores etc so he's not fully appreciative of things and I just.... I don't know what to do, my daughter is making me feel awful because I didn't listen (I mean, I tried my best) to her advice and complaints about pushing my son to do more, and on the other, my son is feeling very 'delicate' given he's just failed for the first time and I'm worried if I push him too hard he'll try to commit suicide because of the pressure. 

Sorry for the long rant, any advice?

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Sophia-RO

Re: How to deal with sensitive son and jealous daughter during a hard time

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Hello @Holola , thanks for sharing with us here. I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through lately. It must be quite difficult for you to hear your son saying that he wants to suicide. It sounds like things are a bit difficult between yourself and your daughter too at the moment. Would it be helpful for you to have a discussion with your daughter and son about what has been going on lately? Would you find that to be a helpful space for everyone to share their concerns? The situation with your son and his uni sounds really tough too. Do you think that your son would benefit from talking to a counsellor about how he has been feeling? Universities normally offer free student counselling services, so this may be an option for him.

 

There are also helplines that he can call for support, including Kids Helpline, Headspace, Mensline, and Suicideline (if he wants to discuss his thoughts of suicide). Many of these services also offer webchat with a counsellor if your son would be interested in that. I just wanted to check in with you too about your son saying that he will commit suicide. Do you know if these are just thoughts that your son has or would he take action? If you are ever concerned that your son would take action, it is important that you seek immediate support by calling 000 or visiting the nearest hospital. 

 

This all sounds like a lot for you to go through, have you had a chance to talk with anyone about how you are feeling? Parentline is a service that can support you through these times if you also wanted to talk to a counsellor for support. Here is a link to their website if you are interested. Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums. 

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