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How to help my son leave the four walls of his bedroom

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How to help my son leave the four walls of his bedroom

Prolific scribe

Re: How to help my son leave the four walls of his bedroom

@Chalker yes good luck with your son ... mines been in his about a year now , comes out for shared care alternate weekends, and alternate Friday night his girlfriend comes gets him and they go to her room.  Yet he's the happiest he's been for 6 months or so now.  I try not to think too far into future and adore the times he comes out for meals, oh and he does come out with family weekly for dinner out for an hour.  I am pleased he is getting lots of rest he sure needs it, doesn't look shattered anymore.  He smiles a bit and likes recently to hang 5 mins or so after dinner, sometimes we sit silently, laugh or watch half a movie, before he smiles and runs.  He's been worse, I am happy he doesn't get so angry gaming anymore, though he's kinda turned nocturnal in the process.  but I know he's working on changing his body clock,  he's take things in his time, theres no rushing him.  He's withdrawn out of school and enrolled into home schooling online on a 10 week trial.  He's been slow to start but does a few hours a week.  overall he feel he just needs me to hold space for him a while and see he's working it out inwardly yet he does know for sure a consistency - is that he knows he is loved and belongs.  Ill write here one day another story of my son  - we are each different - tribe is tribe at end of day.    I do hope I am not being too simple ... I offer yet he's not ready to uptake and I have given him space to fathom.... 

Prolific scribe

Re: How to help my son leave the four walls of his bedroom

I dont have any advice to offer I wanted you to know that I have a son who is in the same situation..hes 16 and LOVES his room and his computer. My other son is 14 and also loves his room however he is more social..plays soccer, talks on his headphones online. My older son is quiet. He is happy though. We go for a walk in the bush once a week to touch base. School is boring to him..hed much rather be home. He doesnt seem to be depressed but he used to be so active until about the age of 14. The thing I am trying to accept is that online friends are just as important as real life friends least to this new generation. For me, thats hard to understand but I have tried so often to get my son to visit his school friends, join a sport, join a youth group etc but hes quite happy in his room. I just wanted to say good luck and you arent alone...there are many of us Mums feeling worried about our boys and their rooms...


Super star contributor

Re: How to help my son leave the four walls of his bedroom

Hey @Chalker, isolation is such a stressful thing for us as parents. I relate to your situation as well, as my daughter been a bedroom dweller for the past 18 months. I don't have any answers either unfortunately, and the only thing that has worked for me is letting go of the worry and fears for the future - much easier said than done!! 


My daughter stopped communicating with all of her real life friends for most of last year, until I ran into one of their mums. We chatted and her daughter was missing mine, so we organised a sleepover. She comes over regularly now, and she has two other real life friends that she is now in regular contact with but, but rarely sees. She has online friends though, and they seem to keep her happy. She is now engaged with distance ed, and does stuff on her computer. It's the opposite life to mine at that age, and I want different things for her, but she seems happy enough. I am lucky that in her own time she has returned to tennis weekly, and she got herself a part time job. She cannot understand why we are all so proud and happy. For her it's just something she wanted to do - "what's the big deal??" she says!


What does your son do in is room? Do you know if he's learning or creating or doing productive things that make him happy and feel satisfied? 


My daughter's psychiatrist didn't diagnose, but mentioned to me so I could do some research, Hikikomori. I've done a lot of reading about it which I've found interesting. 


Is your son on any medications? Do you think he might be interested in doing any study from his room? OTEN is one way he could study something he's interested in if he chose?


To be honest I've stopped pushing her or placing restrictions on the internet. It just wasn't working and creating conflict, so it was a battle I chose to let go of. I'll let her know if I'm going out, or visiting the family, but I accept it if she doesn't want to go now. She can't be forced to do anything she doesn't want to! And if she does come out when she'd rather have stayed at home, it's not pleasant and I wish I'd left her there lol. 


What do you see as your son's strengths? Do you know what he sees as his strengths? Could be something to work with? 


Sorry for the Q&A!