02-12-2023 01:28 AM
Hello community and team,
im a mum of two daughters (19 and 16 1/2) and las5 year on my daughters 16th birthday they ran away from home.
I’ll give you a back story and why I’m angry and this government, the girls catholic school and my family.
for the last 11 years things have been ver6 stressful for myself and my girls. I left there dad 17 years ago and my last and only relationship after there day was 13 years ago. Life was great I was work up to 2009 and studying too. I maintained a household, bought a house for me an$ my girls, got seperate bedrooms and I worked hard to give them everything within reason. They went to a catholic primary and secondary school and wanted the best for my kids.
11 years ago I was struck down with ulcers on my legs. I was in and out of hospital and had no choice to rely on my parents to help with the every day caring of my girls. At on point 8 was in hospital for two months. In these 11 years I was unable to complete housecleaning and when I asked my parents help we always disagreed with what the kids should and shouldn’t do (ie my mum doing all the chores for my kids and if something wasn’t done I was spoken to like a 14 year old child infront of my kids)
the last 4 years things have gotten very very bad esp while my kids where growing up in there senior years in high school. My kids would go and live with my parents cas if I tried disciplining, they always had the grass greener on the other side. When ever my kids attempt to come back home either they where missing me or family friends they haven’t seen in a long time, my parents accuse me of brainwashing and manipulating my kids.
the last two years things got more difficult as my disability needs changed and needed to go back to work. Priorities for me where nurses three times a week, raising the kids, working and doing anything I can in the meantime. My parents helped on and off but there long absences not being here made life difficult as the kids would refuse to do there chores. My oldest would scream at me and her sister and my youngest will close down and stay in her room making excuses to not do there chores. I repeatedly was asking for family counselling from the kids school and it was more in favour of the kids than the family itself. Then I was finding out my oldest daughter was learning in numeracy what they can get from the government in relation to living on there own. To top this all off - my 23 year old niece and her fiancé walked back into my kids lives last year and I trusted her a lot esp to b there for my daughters as one came out as bisexual and the other was doing concerts while I was working and hard to let go of work because I don’t get paid for the time I don’t work.
i found out the my 23 year old niece who is a youth worker for a council and her primary school teacher helped my kids leave home. They made an excuse that I kicked them out when I didn’t. A string of thing where happening while they came into our lives. I do admit we had issues as a family and I tried my hardest to get help. I needed to work cas I had a house to pay plus $500 minimum woundcare to purchase every month with no help from the government. That’s ok but I had to take priorities too. My niece and her fiancé brainwashed my kids and now it’s been 5 months and I haven’t heard from my kids.
I have been told by my family that I can’t know where my kids as I’m not suppose to but there is no AVO on me. My oldest daughter has blocked me and my parents make life worse cas if things aren’t there way, I’m the problem. I’ve had to make decision for my future inc changing my will to take all my family out of it and let my kids get my assets when they turn 30. Cas of the school where the kids went to didn’t support me as a family I have lost faith I’m my religion for the first time in 44 years. I’m lonely in my home but have really great friends that have helped a lot. My family don’t see this and believe I put my kids before my family and this is what they are hearing. I don’t believe and Psycologist, school, councillor etc will say here kids ur 16 plus years old u now don’t need to speak t9 ur mum anymore.
we had our issues believe me we had them and I will never deny them but the issues where between three of us and we needed help and if we got the proper help, the would still b here. My mother made the comment while she is alive she will make sure that me and my girls stay separated. And them my family want me to see them and b ok with this. I only get defensive with my family cas I’m constantly fighting for what I believ3 in. My parents are brought up old school and don’t believe in friends. My parents believe that I can’t have a voice cas 2hen I say I want to do this, I don’t have support! Not once have I been supported by my parents and my kids have seen the arguments over the years.
i get the blame if my brothers is going something wrong so I stopped that by not speaking to my brother for over 9 years now.
my life is a mess but I’m very greatful for my family friends who have been there for me, my work, my fur babies and it’s sad I can’t say the same for my family. They tried help with the cleaning of my house to an extent as they cleaned the girls stuff out cas they wouldn’t come over. The helped with other areas but it’s sad cas I tried my hardest and I now see n9 matter what I do it’s never ever good enough for them. What I need to focus on is rebuilding a relationship with my kids without my family interference and see where that takes us. Unfortunately while my family is in there ear this won’t happen and I can’t wait for the bomb to explode
02-13-2023 02:30 PM
Thanks for sharing with us, it certainly sounds like you and your family have had a tough time over the past few years. It's really great that you've reached out for some support.
You've mentioned having some disability needs, I'm wondering if you have any supports in place for this? Do you have access to NDIS support?
It sounds like you're feeling quite distressed at them moment, which is understandable. It's fantastic to hear you have some good friends around you, that can make such a big difference when things are tough. Are you connected with a therapist you could chat to as well? It might be worth reaching out to 1800RESPECT and chatting to one of their counsellors for some support too.
I'm sending you an email as well, so keep an eye out for that arriving soon.
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