I have no clue for daughter with BPD

[BeStrong]

My daughter 16 years old girl(year 11) her psychologist strongly said she looked like BPD after 2nd overdose pills.
After then, public hospital accepted her as an outpatient as a weekly basis from the next week.
She has been refusing to go to school in April, She decided to continue even if her school suggests smaller units and extend more school years.
But she hated school and didn’t want to extend more years.
So since May, I really supported her for her attendance. I can’t drive and I let her use UBER when she goes to school and she used public transportation when you return home.
Until the end of May, it looked perfect, but she overdosed without any signs and symptom.
I lost my direction and devastated.
She still wanted to go to school and supported her after this things happened.
But the last week, her mood was getting down and she came out from the school even if she went to school using uber.
And then. Just on Friday, she wanted to stay at home. I let her stay and we had a good time before her delivery.
I always check her parcel, i just opened it in front of her.
It was banana vape.
I was very shocked and threw it in the bin.
She was so so upset and begged me to get it.
And now she is still very down and she wants her space.
And she will have all assignments due this week.
I am very worried about this pressure make her sinking.

1) Do I have to let her stop going to school? Whenever I ask her, she says I will go. But in order to continue, there are the minimum requirements like attendance and assignments. But whenever I mention this, she is very angry at me.

2) regarding the vape, her friend already smoked and my daughter ask her friend to get another one later.
Luckily My youngest one can check her instagram messages and she let me know this messages.
My elder one will never know this, if I tell this matter, she will change her id and password and block everything. So I just endure and keep it for the future.
But how can I just look at her getting vape again and ignore it?
So i also thought do I have to beg her friend, please leave her and don’t tempt her anymore????
Actually, I don’t know her number, but I found her instragram and asked friend request and she accepted.
But before accepting it, she sent a message to my daughter, is this your mum?
And she said yes.

But weird thing is my daughter didn’t mention about this to me.
So more scary and I can’t say anything to her friend.
Because she is her very best friend.

Hard!!!!!’
So sorry for long story, but I really need your opinions or experiences.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @BeStrong, thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are in a really complex situation with your daughter. I am so sorry to hear about how challenging this has been for you and your family. I am wondering if you have any support at the moment? You don't have to go through this alone and it might be helpful to have someone you can chat over strategies with. If you are looking for some help right now, Parentline is a free and confidential counselling service that you could call to talk with a counsellor about what you have been going through.

To answer your questions.. there are laws about school attendance (e.g. see this link), however we are unable to give legal advice, therefore you may be best asking the school directly. In regards to vaping, the situation about the vape being delivered provides an opportunity for you to talk to your daughter and discuss how important it is to be open with each other. If your daughter were to find out that you have been reading her messages, it will damage the relationship and trust between you. As you said, you also put yourself in a difficult position where you learn this information and are unable to talk to her about it as she will then change her passwords. You could also talk to your daughter about how friends may try to influence you to do things but keep in mind that we cannot control others, only ourselves. Your daughter may be interested in vaping too, without her friend's influence.

Also, you mentioned that your daughter has been overdosing recently. Do you have any concerns about their current safety?

Please feel welcome to keep updating us on your situation We love having you on our forum!