I’m hated all the time

[Hatedmum]

My 13 year old has such hatred towards me, has for as long as I can remember. She is rude, mutters under her breath, disrespectful and lies to me constantly. She makes me feel like I am losing my mind as she says she hasn’t said what’s she clearly just did. We can’t go a day without a blow up. I often feel like I’d like leave and never come back. I’ve never expressed myself to this extent, but I’m at my wits end with this girl.
We have never hit her, not ever. She has put holes in walls out of anger, and broken a door from slamming it. I am guilty of yelling and retaliating when she mouths off at me. I hate it and myself and know I am a terrible mother. We have tried taking her phone away, but she’s only nice until she gets it back. She is a problem child at school as well, has constant friendship issues, Vapes ( gets a puff off her friends as we will not give her cash after we found messages about buying a vape) and disrespects teachers as well.
How have we created such a monster? How can I get her back to being a nice sweet kid again who only slightly likes and respects me? I’m not convinced it’s a teen thing as the attitude has been going on for years.

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Hatedmum 

Thank you for being so honest and for sharing this with us.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing this and that your daughter has been treating you like this. It sounds like it has been a really tough time for you and a lot to be dealing with.

I know that you mentioned that you have been feeling like a terrible mother. From what you have shared it sounds like you have been trying really hard to deal with this, even by reaching out shows for support shows how hard you are trying. It's important to remember that you are only human and just trying to do the best that you can to navigate through a very challenging time. In saying that, you don't have to do this alone and deserve all the support available to you and to your family.

I was wondering if you have any support or have spoken to anyone about what's been going on and about how you have been feeling. Whether it's a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional?

I was also curious about what supports your daughter has and whether she has ever engaged in therapy or seen a mental health professional?

If you'd like to find some support for your daughter in your area, you can find out where a local headspace is on there website. Or you could also speak with your GP about other support services.

I know that you mentioned that when your daughter has been angry she has damaged your home. It must be very frightening to experience this behaviour.

I wanted to let you know that if you're ever needing urgent support, have concerns about your daughters wellbeing and safety or would like some immediate support you can call the CYMHS crisis service. The Child and Youth Mental Health service provides crisis support to young people and their families and the acute response team is available 24/7 on (07 3068 2555). If you'd like more information about CYMHS, or would like to connect with your local team you can find more information about it here.

I was also wondering whether you have spoken to your daughters school about what's been going on and whether they've been able to provide you or your daughter with any support?

Thank you again for sharing this with us and for being so honest. We can hear how difficult it has been for you recently and we want you to know that you don't have to deal with this alone and that we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can.