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Kid swearing at you name calling

Kid swearing at you name calling

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Chris15

Kid swearing at you name calling

In need of help my 14 year old swears at me name calls punch holes in walls I
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TOM-RO

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

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Hi Chris15,

 

I am sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with your 14 year old. It sounds like they are quite angry and frustrated at the moment and this is creating a very hostile environment within the home. 

 

Would you be able to share a bit more detail as to what your situation is like? When did this behavior start occurring? What supports do you have at the moment? Are you concerned for you or your child's well-being?

 

In the meantime, some basic tips on how to approach an angry tip might give you a starting point, you can find some here.

Active scribe
Peaceful

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Hi Chris,

I have a 17 year old who basically says anything that comes on his tongue to me. Its very upsetting and I still havent found a way of how to improve this. I did notice that it gets worse when i am trying to help or advice him. It sets him right of.
It took me a while to see this as it is very hurtful the things hes saying and it just stuns you.
I know it won't improve on the name calling and swearing directly, but maybe you can try to find out in which situations hes doings this, or when he shows this behaviour. I am not sure if this is helpful in your situation, I just thought to share it with you.


Community Manager
Janine-RO

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Hi @Peaceful ,

 

What a lovely username Heart

 

Thanks so much for sharing your experience, it's always so valuable to hear from other parents who are in similar situations.. and I can hear that you have a lot of insight into both your son's behaviour, and things that tend to set him off. You clearly love him very much and take a compassionate view of his behaviour, even when it's hurtful. 

 

You're so right, that it can really stun you/ hit you in the guts when your child says something aggressive or hurtful to you. I've also experienced that - and I will be honest and say I experienced a range of emotions. I was upset, angry, and also totally shocked- hearing someone you literally gave birth to be verbally abusive is an awful feeling. 

 

It's really valid to be hurt by that, and it's also ok to set firm boundaries, but I love how you've been able to pair this with a really compassionate approach. 

 

Do you have any other children @Peaceful ?

Active scribe
Peaceful

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Hi Janine.

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that you have had the same experience. And you are right, i have all these emotions too. It has been so hard and it broke me this year, I just had enough. I am not sure if you can call it insight, i just stopped reacting completely and just basically let him say all the things to me. I had nothing to fight back anymore. I try setting boundaries but I am so not strong enough to maintain them. I just take is as i go at the moment. I know he has a good heart and yes I love him deeply but it feels so helpless when your trying and he just ignores you.

I have a daughter she is 12.
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Taylor-RO

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Hey @Peaceful, I can tell just how hard things have been for you this year. It sounds like you have tried a lot of different things to try and address your son's behaviour. Did anything change when you stopped reacting completely? I imagine that it must be tiring to continue fighting back and setting boundaries can be really difficult. I am wondering how you look after yourself when things get really tough? We are here to listen Heart
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Peaceful

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Goodmorning Taylor, thank you for your support. Actually things have become a bit more quiet, but probably because i stop reacting and took some steps back. I let him be for most of the time unless an issue arises that needs discussing, or he comes to me by himself, otherwise he's on his own.
I did the wellbeing course from mindspot which has alot of strategies how to deal with anxiety and depression and basically how to be kinder to yourself. I learned that you can be uncomfortable and sit or go on with that. It doesnt have to take over your body, if that makes sense. And I find it very hard having to stepback, but I think maybe that is the space that my son needs. He still will have a go, but thats because i am encouraging or protective or maybe too compassionate. And i while to me it makes no sense and i cant really understand why he has this behaviour, it is really that, that sets him off. And for now i am accepting that, because it is a bit better.
I walk in nature and started yoga, very simple, but I feel much better.
I am doing so much sharing, so not like me. I do hope that all this will help others. It is just such a difficult time and so unpredictable. I hope we all can be strong and guide our kids through these trying years. You never know whats happening tomorrow, take it by the day and see what happens.
Its a great forum, and i just joined but find it very useful.
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Sophia-RO

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Hello @Peaceful , it is good to hear that things have been more quiet for you lately. It sounds like you have been really proactive in learning some more strategies that you can use to deal with the situation that you have been dealing with. It is awesome that these strategies have helped you feel better. So lovely that you are sharing your experiences here to help others and that you have found the forum to be useful. I hope that things continue to improve with your son Smiley Happy.

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Peaceful

Re: Kid swearing at you name calling

Thank you for your kind words Sophia.
I hope so too.

Just thinking...

I would have never even thought that i would share any of my struggles like this, quite publicly. But i am really at the end of finding options, of what to do next. And came here, to this site.
But reading back at this conversation i realise that it felt like a relief sharing it. And all the kindness and supportive words back give hope and confidence.
The problems have not been solved, but I feel hopeful and it made me smile to have that feeling back.
Very thankful