Lost and frustrated
09-25-2019 03:42 AM
Our story begins 16 years ago when we had our first and only son. He was has always been a very happy boy growing up until about fourth grade. That is the year things started to change. He always had lots of friends and play dates here at our house when we would host, which has always been the case. He has been involved with his favorite sport since he was 4. We hear nice things over the years about how sweet, polite and thoughtful he from parents and teachers.
As I mentioned things started going south in fourth grade when a teacher didn’t believe him when another student was causing issues. The same teacher also would not let him use the restroom and he proceeded to have an accident during class. Thank goodness no one ever saw or except for a nurse. He did not do so well in school that year as could imagine. I did bring up all these concerns to the principal who seem to have brushed under the rug. This seems to be a common thread in the school district that we are in when I raise issues or concerns it gets brush them under the rug. Last year he was bullied/assaulted during Gym class and it was taken to the principal who was very good about keeping it under wraps so he would not be labeled a snitch. However the Gym teacher brought it up in front of the class. Again my child did the right thing and walked away from the bullies/assault and took it to the principle. Fortunately and unfortunately it is one of the best school districts in our state. So I hate to remove him from it and we did try to move him to a different school where we knew he would succeed but they denied him. Again another let down for my child. He has been struggling with his grades for the last three years and we have offered all kinds of assistance with tutoring etc. because he is well beyond our understanding now in high school and when we went to school. That’s part one.
He has also become more and more isolated with friends except for couple that come and hang out every other weekend or so. He had a group of friends that he was very close to you and on three different times for whatever reason they decide to no longer be friends with him. He never understands why they just cut him off completely. One of the times it happened he even tried to ask them what the problem was and they would not respond to him. Then out of nowhere they come back around and want to hang out with him again. However they never invite him to their homes or to the outside activities. It’s OK for them to come here they after day night after night. One of the times it happened he even tried to ask them what the problem was and they would not respond to him. Then out of nowhere they come back around and want to hang out with him again. However they never invite him to their homes or to the outside activities. It is OK for them to come here they after day night after night. Over the years The other no one ever invites him he always has to have everyone here and make all the plans. He’s never been invited to a party or go see a football game or anything. Spends most of his time in his room even when his friends are over. He spends hours after hours up there without even coming out. We try to engage him and ask him to go to dinner to activities that we are doing and he has no interest.
He spends most of his time in his room even when his friends are over. He spends hours after hours up there without even coming out. We try to engage him and ask him to go to dinner to activities that we are doing and he has no interest.
He does have an outside activity of a sport that he absolutely loves. He plays with a club team that has had its ups and downs. The team has been together for many years and then the coach decided it was time for them to move into a higher level because he was struggling finding a place for them to league for them to play. So they tried out for a club team and he made it to the lowest level. For two years he played on that team and it was a continuous loss for them. He saw that kids had no respect for the coach and that really did bother him. His old coach finally was able to put the original team back together and have a lead for them to play. During these years he was able to trying out for JV team four times and has never made it for high school ball. He overheard them at one of the practices telling the original team that they had guaranteed spots. So he knew there was no way he would ever make it. It is also because he plays for this other league at a club level that they don’t like so that goes against him. It is all very political at the high school level here we live.
As you can see there has been many disappointments over the years for our son. We try to encourage him to be positive tell him how much we love him and always offered to help in anyway that he needs it. Just tell him we’re here for him whenever he wants to talk. I do have one big learning issue in our lives right now which is a fact that I have to care for both of my aging parents. It does take time away from our family life and unfortunately I don’t have any options because I am an only child. And their stories a very long one.
So I guess what I’m wondering is how do we help him? I was concerned about getting help from a psychiatrist or psychologist or whom ever because then we’re saying to him there’s something wrong with him. I don’t think he can handle anymore of his disappointment in the lack of failure. He takes everything very seriously. He even came in the other day from his little part-time job very upset because he didn’t get any tips all day.
Re: Lost and frustrated
09-25-2019 03:04 PM
Hi @SweetSon and welcome to ReachOut Parents. It sounds like there have been a lot of really hard challenges your son has had to overcome at school, and we really appreciate you reaching out for support here- definitely challenges that so many parents here can relate to, you are not alone
I want to start by saying that it sounds like your boy is incredibly resilient. Facing challenges with school, friendships and bullying are such tough things to go through at such a young age, and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to support him through. I can hear how much love you have for him, and how much you would want to help him through the remainder of his schooling
There are a lot of stressors he has been carrying on his shoulders, and I am hearing that the teen years and high school have not been easy for him. I want to offer you hope that we see from other parents, that things do change after high school, a young person's world becomes bigger and we see so many young people build on the resilience and strengths they have to find the people and the places where they are most themselves.
Have you had a conversation with your son about what he wants or needs at the moment? It sounds like friendships have been really challenging for him, are there any other support people in his life such as a mentor/family members etc who he talks to?
I am hearing your concerns about seeking professional help, and wanting to make sure your son is not labelled is something that so many parents here can relate to. At the same time, we also see on our youth forums how helpful speaking to a professional can be in helping young people find the skills and strengths to cope with the pressures of high school and friendships, and come out the other side. Even looking into the types of support, for example starting with a counsellor or at a local doctor can be really helpful. Seeking help takes so much strength, and what I am hearing from your post is just how strong, kind and resilient your son is
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