My 14 year old refuses to go to school

[Missy5]

Hi there I’m currently just so drained, I’m 47 divorced was renting until It got to expensive with 4 kids and an ex who decided when he wanted to give me money just so he could manipulate the kids into going to live with him which they did ( and this absolutely broke me)except my 15 year old daughter. I am currently living at my moms house sleeping on a couch so my daughter can have a room to herself. She had a fight at her old school so I had to find a new school and now she is refusing to go or will go late or not attend some classes and when I spoke to her she told me she was being bullied. I’ve contacted the school but they can’t really do much unless she talks with them but she is the type to hold things in. I really need help. Thank you so much

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Missy5 , 

I really feel for you, we hear from a lot of parents about how draining, stressful and exhausting it can be when you have a young person who's refusing to go to school.

It sounds like you've had a rough time with your living situation too, and I'm so sorry to hear that the situation with your ex ended the way it did. You sound like such a strong, loving mum, and it must be incredibly difficult when you've tried hard to find ways to find support and help for your daughter. 

You mentioned that your daughter said she was being bullied, and that she was getting into fights at her old school. Is that something that's been an issue for her in the past, or is this a more recent thing? Do you think she'd be open to chatting with a  counsellor or psychologist about what's happening for her? 

I also wanted to let you know that we have a dedicated space on our forums here, just for parents to discuss school refusal in a safe space, with other people who are going through the same thing. We know how isolating and frustrating it can feel when this is happening for your family, and it can help a lot to hear from other parents who are walking the same road as you at the moment.  I've also added in some of our self help articles including some videos from psychologists who are really experienced in supporting parents in this area

Here's that space:

Connect with other parents: School refusal 

As a parent myself, I would also suggest that being persistent with the school around the need to make sure your daughter is supported. Given that she's under 16, there's a legal obligation to go to school and we hear from other parents that school counsellors/ year advisors/ wellbeing coordinators can be great people to help you all come up with a plan to help support your daughter. That being said, I know that sometimes these services can be overloaded - does your daughter's school have a school counsellor or psychologist? 

You sound like a strong mum who's a wonderful advocate for your daughter in a really difficult time, and I'm hearing that you've been under a lot of pressure - do you have much support for yourself? We are always here to talk or vent, or I'm also happy to look for other professional support services that might be a good fit for you if you think that would help. 

Wishing you all the best @Missy5