My 15 yr old girl has borderline personalality disorder

[Schooner]

Hi @Netbell123,

My son has depression/anxiety, not BPD, so I'm not sure what the deal is with BPD. Certainly lying seems to be part of his depression symptoms!

One other thing we did that helped was medication to help him sleep at night. Maybe you can talk to your Doc about that. I think kids need a good routine: up in the morning, school, home, sleep. The closer you can get to that the better. We had a long struggle to get to that routine.

I bumped up the security around our place. When my son managed to get around my security I'd congratulate him. I told him I wasn't trying to make him a prisoner, but just trying to keep him safe. On a good day he would understand that.

It sounds like she has a lot to talk through with someone, I hope she can find the right counsellor.

Don't worry if your posts are long. It's great therapy for me to write down my problems and have someone else read it, so go for it! As parents we can feel isolated, most of the care is focussed on the kids (which it should be), but we need a little care as well

[Sister]

Dear @Netbell123,

I am so sorry you are going through this very tough time with your daughter.

I do hope you are finding the counsellor supportive. It must be such a worry for you having your daughter absconding of a night and placing herself at risk. All you want is for her to be safe so I can understand you picking her up in the morning wherever she may be.

Hopefully, with the counsellors support, you might get some guidance regarding putting boundaries in place regarding your daughters behaviours.  Meanwhile keep pouring your heart out to your understanding friends and allow yourself to post here online whenever you feel like it.

[Netbell123]

Thanku Sister 😁
It is hard and I hope things will improve it’s so hard cause she has such great days and things have been pretty good the last couple of days but she has had long days working at a fish shop. And that gives me a bit of repreave and I can breath.
The councillor we have is great and my girl likes her so that helps cause she had ones in the past that after her sessions we would end up at the hospital with her wanting to kill Hersel or she would self harm.
We all just want our babies to grow up happy and safe.
Thanku so much all you guys are helping more than you know.
Is there an App for this site ?
Thanks again x

[Sister]

Hi @Netbell123,

Thats great you are remaining hopeful regarding your daughter. So glad you can get a break whilst your daughter is at work and thats great that she is being responsible enough to have a job.

Wonderful also about the counsellor. Try and hold onto these positives when things are not going well. 

Not sure about the App but some of the others will be able to assist. Ive been on this forum for about 2 months now and its been my life-saver.

Cheers

[Netbell123]

Thanku Sister
I do try and look for the positives and I find when she is doing ok so am I … mostly I suffer from Anxiety so it rears it’s ugly head at times when I’m feeling ok but that is anxiety.

She is loving her job and working Good Friday in a fish shop lol she was flat out yesterday and got a good pay for her hard work. And she is a great worker they are so so impressed with her 😁

[taokat]

Hey @Netbell123, I'm so glad you've found us here at ReachOut. It really is a safe and supportive place to unload and talk with other parents who relate. There isn't an app for ReachOut, I have it bookmarked in my browser for easy access though.

My daughter ran away for the first time in years a few weeks ago. My anxiety was through the roof!! I was finally able to track her using her phone once she'd turned it on. I drove to get her but she refused to get in the car. She hung out at a park until around 1am, before texting me telling me she'd come home on the condition I didn't get annoyed with her or talk to her. It's so, so scary and as you say, we just want them to grow up happy and safe. I'd even be happy with content and safe!

That's wonderful your daughter has found a counsellor she clicks with - it really is a huge asset! Do you get to talk with her counsellor as well? I've found having that relationship with my daughter's counsellor has helped us both deal with my daughter's issues. She then gets to see the full picture, and all sides, so helps us as a family. (I'm single mum with 1 daughter too, father's not in the scene either) 

Do you have things you do to take care of you? It's so important to look after ourselves, because it can be tough and exhausting - we need to give back to ourselves to keep us functioning. Giving our minds a break from stress helps us manage it better as well. We run a chat night (Ab Fab Friday's) for an hour on Friday nights where we talk about light-hearted topics and get to know other community members - that could be something you take time out for each week as part of your self-care?

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Netbell123

I am sorry that you have to go through this- I get that your heart must break in a million pieces when she sneaks out. When I feel worried about my daughter the pain turns physical and its excruciating. 

I love the fact that she has a job.  I think its so important for her to have a distraction and can see herself as productive. That must give both of you hope.  Its also so wonderful that she has a counselor that she connects with. 

I know how it feels to want that sweet good girl back. At times I feel like my child has been takin from me and I am being punished.  Some days its great and they are wonderful and happy and our "old daughter" then something turns and you just see it in their face in an instant and you wonder what storm we have to weather now.  Its painful and even though I have friends and family for support- Its hard because they haven't been through it and they judge and push me for answers.  That's why this web site is such a God Send.  Hang in there, you are not alone!  We will all get through our babies trials together!  sending love and support

[SarahJane]

Hi Netbell,

I have just joined this site and your post was the first one which I have really connected with.

My daughter is nearly 17 and has BPD as well. This all started after her father passed away suddenly 3 years ago. In the past couple of years she has tried overdosing twice, has been self harming, twice to the point that they should ** . She has been drinking, smoking weed and dropped out of school and been unable to hold down a job. A few weeks ago she told me she had made the decision to kill herself on her 21st birthday. Her psychologist told me this was a good thing as it was far enough into the future to mean she doesn't really want to do it.

When she is rational she is the most loving funny amazing kid, however when she is irrational she is so hurtful and scary. I love her so very much and it is so exhausting. I also slept with her for about 6 months fearing what she would do to herself if I didn't. I soon realised I couldn't keep doing this for my own health. It is actually a relief when she goes to stay with friends, I face time her and snapchat with her when she is not with me so I can see what she is doing and who she is with.

It scares me that once she turns 18 I will have less control over what she is doing, she is talking of moving out with friends however I have her tablets and all other medications locked away in a lock box and have all SHing objects locked away too. We are currently linked in with a great doctor and psychologist who my daughter connects well with and have just started with Headspace and am hoping she will continue going as she has dropped CAMHS and the psychiatrist. 

The anguish and fear that never seems to escape me for too long is all encompassing at times. I hold on to the belief that my love and support of her will help pull her through this. I grab onto the times when she is rational and when I see my baby girl as she really is and keep reminding myself that the self destructive behaviours are the illness not her. 

It actually feels good to share this with people who understand and are going through a similar experience. Hopefully it helps you to hear that others are travelling the same path as you too. All we can do is hang in there for our babies and look after ourselves at the same time. Hugs.

[Breez-RO]

Hey there @SarahJane welcome to the forums! So sorry to hear about your Daughter's symptoms and the strain of her Father passing three years ago. This community is most definitely here to support and listen to you. BPD is a really complex one, but I cannot commend you enough for the love and compassione which shines through this post in regards to your girl. Whilst BPD is one of the more challenging presentations, all of the wonderful attributes of your Daughter are not uncommon in this cluster - they tend to be especially tuned into others and highly intelligent. There's a great Organisation called SPECTRUM I would recommend you check out, they're a leading group in Victoria on BPD strategies. I did edit some of your post (pretty minor) just due to our community guidelines, you can read them here We also have a free service ReachOut Parents Coaching which you can check out here - and may be eligible for. It's another layer of support for parenting teens with mental health challenges.  

[Netbell123]

Hi Sarah Jane,
I read your post and felt as though you were writing my story so many things the same. My girl is still doing reckless things only 3 weeks ago her and another girl stole my car from the garage and drove it 3 hours away and crashed it thankfully no one was hurt but my car was a wreck and wrote off.
I have a new car but now I sleep with my car keys under me. I don’t know what this ends and I try and be sympathetic to her behaviour but it is so hard. She has been missing for 48 hours she thankfully messaged me so I know she is safe but she is only 15 and very naive about many things. When she goes like this it is so hard to get her back because she is having fun doing drugs and god knows what. Luckily the police in my town are so good to me and always help me. She has gotten herself in trouble with the police and may possibly have to go to juvenile detention that scares me because the thought of her being locked up with be so hard on her. When I took her phone off her only a week ago she was like a caged animal so I don’t know how she will cope if she does get locked up. She started self harming after quite a few months of stopping so that is a huge worry. She says she doesn’t see a future so heartbreaking she is the most beautiful girl and sweet when that girl is her but I don’t see her very often. I want to get her help but she doesn’t seem to want to help I have heard about dialectic behaviour therapy but can’t seem to find anyone that does it around where I live.
I am so sorry about your husband that is so very sad and your poor baby must really suffer. My daughters dad is non existent he is an alcoholic that doesn’t have much input in her life and his answer at the moment is give her a good slap well that isn’t going to work at all.
I don’t know what is going to work I just want My girl to come home the longer she stays away the more scared I get.
Sending love and hugs to you xo