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My Son hasn’t spoken to me in a year

My Son hasn’t spoken to me in a year

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Usedtobemomof3

My Son hasn’t spoken to me in a year

I remarried after being divorced for 3 years. My middle son adored my new husband and was very much in favor of the marriage. He was 11 when I first introduced them and 12 when we got married. My Son and his Dad had a rocky relationship and my Son really enjoyed spending time with my new husband. As my Son and his Dad became closer, my Son pushed my new Husband away. He was a teenager now with all the hormones to go with it and there was a lot of attitude and hostility whenever we would tell my Son to do something or tell him he couldn’t do something. Most of the time I was the one who disciplined or my ex but there were a few times when my husband got tired of the way the kid was treating me and would get upset. Words only nothing physical but my Son especially resented getting in trouble with my husband. There was a lot of tension in the house and I felt like I was the one always trying to make everyone happy and get along. Then the Pandemic hit and my Husband lost his job. There were no jobs to be found in the State we lived in. He did apply to some that weren’t really in his field but wasn’t even given a call back. I too tried to find an extra job and got nothing. My husband started applying to positions out of State. He got an interview for a great job but it was very far away. I knew the kids would be upset and wasn’t sure what to do. I talked to my ex and told him of the situation and asked if it was possible for the kids to live with him if they didn’t want to move with us. Given the better school system they were in, their friends and their ages, I thought the least selfish thing I could do was give them a choice. We sat them down told them the situation and they both said they wanted to move with their Dad. My daughter was very upset and my Son at the time was very understanding. Once my husband accepted the job my Son’s attitude changed and he was very angry. He moved out shortly after and would barely speak to me. I had him over for his Birthday and made all of his favorites but he was very cold. Toward the end he started to warm up a little and I had some hope. The next day he came to get his Sister to go to my ex’s family event and he wouldn’t look at me or speak to me! My Husband was already in another State as he had to start his new job right away and I had stayed behind to sell the house. He had texted me right after my Son left and I vented in a text about how hurt I was that my Son was treating me this way! Unfortunately my Husband sent an angry text to my Son about needing to grow up and understand that life doesn’t always work the way you want and nobody wanted to have to move but he shouldn’t blame me for it. Had I know he was going to send the text I would have stopped him but he told me after it was already done. This was like throwing gasoline on a fire! I tried to talk to my Son after that but he just sat there not really saying anything. After I finally joined my husband, my daughter wasn’t talking to me either. She came around after a couple months and now our relationship is much much better. My Son ignores every message I send him and all of my calls go to voicemail. He won’t even see me when I visit and his Father does nothing to make that happen. Now he is 18 and legally an adult. I’m going back for a visit next week to see my daughter perform and want to see my Son more than anything but I have no idea how to even go about trying to make that happen. At this point I don’t know if he will ever speak to me again and it completely devastates me! I feel like a complete failure as a Mother
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Courtney-RO

Re: My Son hasn’t spoken to me in a year

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Hi @Usedtobemomof3, thank you for sharing with us here on the forums.

 

I am sorry to hear about all the changes within your family and the relationship with your son. That must be a really difficult thing for you to experience. I can hear just how hurt you are and how hard you have been trying to build that relationship with your children back up. I think it is really great that you want the relationship with your son to improve. If you have not already spoken to someone about this, I would highly recommend speaking to a professional to get some support and advice around what your next steps should be. One helpline that you can call for advice is Parentline. You can call them to talk to a trained counsellor and get some advice around what you can do.

 

I'm also wondering how you are looking after yourself during this difficult time? It's important to practice some self-care to make sure that you're getting through this too.

 

We are here to listen and support you.