10-02-2022 12:33 PM - last edited on 10-02-2022 04:04 PM by Dem--RO
I have just begun to try and deal with my daughter with BPD this past year. She had been depressed and always seemed triggered as a young girl. She had numerous attempts at suicide, and excess drug abuse. She is in her mid 20's now. She had 3 long stays at an out of state psychiatric facility and all 3 times, they never diagnosed her as BPD. Her mom and I divorced when she was around 5 or 6 yrs old. I have always been supportive of her and she was never abused. She had very infrequently visited my wife and I when we lived 45 minutes away. Visiting her was not the easiest thing to nail down, partly because she lived with her mom. Recently, I needed to move into an affordable place to live as I was retiring and this seemed to trigger something inside of her. My new home was about 3.5 hrs away now.
Recent events brought up accusations of abandonment, not helping her with her diagnosis and choosing my wife over her. These just came flying out of the air and I was shocked. There was no talks of working this out by her and I was never able to get details out of her why she felt like this. I have studied about BPD and spoke with 2 good friends of 35+ yrs that are psychologists. I was given an ultimatum to seek counseling before she would talk to me with no explanation as to why by her. As much as I tried to talk sense into her and rationalize all of these accusations, it all failed. The pain I am accused of inflicting on her goes as far as to blame me for being this far away, me fighting cancer AND a heart issue all at the same time. As much trauma as I went through 4 yrs ago with my health....her pain is my fault for not living closer to her. Keep in mind that both my kids know they are welcome any time to visit and stay with us. That rarely happened. I have no challenges at all with my son and he is very loving and understanding. As of today, we are still at square one with her and I am blamed for her pain and suffering. She was a 'Daddy's Girl' up until this development. I struggle to make sense of her tone and do my best to remain calm and validate her feelings. One thing that I am forced to realize is that my wife and I have to maintain our mental health. It hurts.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences....it helps.
10-02-2022 04:22 PM
Hi @Loving_dad and welcome to the Parents Forum.
We hope that you are able to connect with other parents, and find the support that you are in need of.
I'm really sorry that you have had these experiences, and the difficult health issues that you mentioned as well.
Regarding maintaining your mental health, what sort of supports do you currently have in place?
For reference, we are an Australian-based service, however I do see that the organisation NAMI may be a potential resource, or a good starting point for you.
Also, we did need to edit small parts of your post to better align with our community guidelines.
12-17-2022 05:27 PM
12-19-2022 12:26 PM - edited 12-19-2022 08:39 PM
12-19-2022 02:19 PM - edited 12-19-2022 02:19 PM
Thanks for reaching out, it sounds like you're going through a pretty tough time at the moment. We're here for you
Being there for someone who is struggling themselves can be really tough, and it's important to remember to look after yourself too. I'm wondering if you have any support at the moment? Whether that be from family and friends, or a therapist?
I'm going to send you an email too, so keep an eye out for that coming your way soon.
a month ago - last edited a month ago by Dem--RO
I am so sorry you are in that situation. I am in a very similar situation with my daughter. We were also very close until her symptoms worsened at age 16. She now has two children that I have bonded with since birth, taking care of them every weekend at least. The kids are now 5&6, I love and adore them more than anything. My daughter suddenly stopped letting me see them. I've tried everything to get visition but no one will help.
a month ago - last edited a month ago
Hi @Nana13, and welcome to the Parents Forum. We hope that by connecting with other parents that you are able to find the support and resources you need.
We are so sorry to hear about this incredibly difficult situation that you are in with your daughter, and have sent you an email, so please keep an eye out for that.
We'd like to ensure that you are feeling supported given what has happened, and wanted to check if you currently have any close friends or family members that you trust enough to be able to open-up to about what you have been going through? Alternatively, would you feel comfortable speaking with a professional, such as a counsellor?
Please take care of yourself, and again, please keep an eye out for our email.
As a side note, we did need to make some small edits to your post so that it better aligns with our Community Guidelines.
Dear @Phiona27 ,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is important for the community to realise the importance of setting healthy boundaries, particularly for those with BPD. It sounds like as much as it hurts to cut ties, you have realised the abuse could no longer continue.
Abuse in anyway is never acceptable. I'm hearing how tough it must have been to watch your child take the road that she has. Carer fatigue is only so real when it comes to caring for someone with BPD. The continual hyper-vigilance can certainly take its toll.
One thing to remember though, those with BPD are very emotionally sensitive. Whatever has happened, she will NEVER forget that you are her parent and what you have done for her.
Stay strong! Stay True! Stay hoping!