09-02-2017 08:43 PM
hi @barbedwire welcome to reachout Parent forums
That sounds like you are in a really tough situation - for you, your son and the whole family.
What kind of support networks have you got around you? Has he seen any sort of professional? Are the school doing anything to support him? Has he got friends?
Its wonderful you are continuing to show him love and encouragement even though I am sure if feels so hard to do at times - its probably what he is needing most. Has he ever talked to you about what is going on for him?
Is school maybe not the right environment for him? Is he maybe better of in a different learning environment?
Its so hard when we don't know what is going on for them
09-02-2017 09:21 PM
hithank you for the reply. Yes it is beyond hard. he was doing a weeks worht of work expereince last week. We took him there, supported him in it. Then we rang the company yesterday afternoon up to ask how he got on and he was ont he phone telling me that he was on his phone constantly, going for smoke breaks every fifteen minutes and showing little enthusiasm., So they fired him.
I was so annoyed and angry with him and wasnt even prepare3d to hear his side of the story because its the same old story. He got drunk last night with is freinds and told me that his life is always goiugn to fail, ever since the infants, he has got into trouble and has failed, (He has adhd). He says the coming year wil be the same, because he doesn tfeel he has a choice in how he behaves.
He smokes, drinks and never washes or brushes his teeth.
I think i might contact mental health professionals on monday, as nothign sems to work. Has is motivated by nothing.
09-02-2017 09:23 PM
there are no support networks, unless we call social services and i dont wnat to go down that route. The childrens society take hime out foir an hour each week to talk.
09-02-2017 09:43 PM
@barbedwire that must have been disappointing for you that he didn't make more of an effort at work experience. Sounds from what he said to you he is certainly suffering from depression and low self esteem. What does he get enjoyment out of? Is there anything? Computers? A sport? music? Something that makes him feel better within himself?
I looked up the Childrens Society as I haven't heard of it and you must be in the UK? Im not familiar with them but sounds like a pretty good service.
03-12-2018 10:28 AM
I am living in the USA and I resonate with this thread. I am supplying "all of the above" for my rebellious teenage daughter (16 yrs old) and she is tethered to her iPhone all day. She is disinterested in doing her home work. She skips school. Although I am providing food, water and shelter (conceptually speaking), I am not able to figure out how to mindfully change the game where she wakes up to the reality that she cannot take her privileges for granted. To be specific she trashes her room, leaves uneaten food in her room, does not respect common sense ground rules such all food should be consumed in the family/dining room.
While courses or books such as "becoming a better parent" are highly useful, I am running out of patience. I am looking for some practical legal advice and/or extra lift to figure out a go forward plan to resolve this challenge.
04-27-2018 08:33 AM
05-09-2018 08:07 PM
Gosh, I can chime in here. My wife and I have been struggling with our 15 yr old son for 18 months now.
We completed the Reachout online parenting. It was fantastic. However, everything we have done, our son develops a strategy around.
His current behaviour:
My wife had to go away for two weeks during the school holidays for a mental health break.
Before the school holidays he was particularly obnoxious, especially to my wife.
While she was away things got even worse.
He came back the next morning (Sunday), and I took him to hockey to play a game.
He behaved with no apology or any apparent remorse. The only evidence was that he was pleasant to me for the first time for a whole day.
My wife arrived back from her holiday and he started up again. This extended to threatening her on Sunday afternoon as he was leaving for the evening that "she was lucky he had not smashed the house up again". This threat spurred her into action the next day. She visited the police and several courts, finally finding that she could get a Restraining Order against him in the Childrens Court. This was granted on Monday.
In the next day or so, he will be served with this Restraining Order. He will not be allowed to come within 100 metres of our house or her work.
It is tearing both of us to pieces. However I know that he cannot be allowed to think he can carry out such extreme violence and threats without consequence.
We have had to go for the NUCLEAR option.
05-09-2018 09:03 PM
Hey @Orbit64 this is really emotionally taxing stuff you're both up against. I am so sorry to hear about these challenges. Are you and your wife seeking therapy together? I know it's annoying to budget in therapy but I think given the nature of these events it would be good for you to gain some support as a unit around this issue with your son. Estranging from a child can have really powerful effects on your self-worth and overall wellbeing, as well as your Son's (even though he may be non emotive and angry right now).
These positives are good -
Well done for acknowledging, it sometimes can be easy to forget any pro's in situations like this, the window smashing sounded incredibly anxiety provoking, really feeling for you both.
Your son's brain is far from developed, and won't be done with the chaos of hormones and brain development until he is 25 according to studies. Who is he staying with whilst he is not allowed near the house? How is your own self-care routine and your wife's? I will tag some of our parents for insight as well as other mods.
05-09-2018 10:56 PM
05-10-2018 04:15 PM - edited 05-10-2018 04:17 PM
He has not been served the notice by the police yet.
He actually said "bye mum" to my wife when leaving for school this morning. Once in a while there are little things like that that perk you up. However with what is coming, that will not be possible.
I'm a typical fixer, so I am trying to put as many things in place indirectly to support him.
The biggest problem we face is that we have the means to support him, just an attitude from him that he does not want anything to do with or be supported by us at all. He does not want any rules. Any place that will take a 15 year old has rules.
We will see how long couch surfing lasts for him. Previously he has stayed away for days, comes home, has a long sleep, washes etc. He won't be able to do that now. Grim times for him and for us.