05-10-2018 10:44 PM
Hey there @Orbit64 thanks so much for updating us. The canteen tab idea is very smart, I can understand your concerns around cash handover. Where abouts is he currently couch surfing? How is your partner today? Have the two of you managed to get some alone time together, a lunch out somewhere or some self-care?
Well done on connecting the youth worker and school counsellor - maybe together they can get a firm plan in place with him.
05-10-2018 11:59 PM
My wife and I have been talking a lot. I have been supportive of the Restraining Order. I do not want him to develop into the kind of person that thinks these things can be done without consequence. I can imagine a future (and dread it) where he smashes up a house with his partner, cools down the next day, then threatens them a week later. He has never been exposed to this type of experience or behaviour in his life. He has no example or experience on which to be modelling this. So it is very painful try and understand how this has come about.
Ultimately, he needs to know it is not okay to do what he has done and treat people (my wife) as he has. He especially needs to know that there are non violent mechanisms other have in our society to address this unacceptable behaviour. I just wish it was not our son and us having to do it. Better us doing it, than someone else in the future, having suffered a worse experience than I did.
Self care: We will go out on the weekend and do something.
My wife has been engaged in "cooking therapy". Baking lots of cakes and biscuits for a school event (she is a teacher).
I have picked myself up and gone, okay, I cannot influence him directly, however I can put some things in place to ensure he is fed, has some support from school and counselling and hopefully he will accept a stable place to stay. I continue to work steady and hard. Fortunately I have a very understanding owner of the business, as he has a very difficult 21 year old son, doing similar things to mine. We provide a sounding board for each other. I keep him well informed on what is going on at home. I may not be as cheerful at work as I normally am, however I try to channel the difficulty I am experiencing into focus and being more productive.
For my son, I do feel it will have to get much worse for him before the penny drops. Time will tell.
05-22-2018 09:56 PM
I have exacly the same problem with my 15 year old girl.....exact the same.....any tips or suggestions?it is a terrible situation....a never nding nightmare...
05-23-2018 01:49 PM
Hello darl my situation is similar....my 15 year old daughter comes and goes ...no control no respect...stays out at night too...his twin brother is not going to school...they are fighting a lot.. She says she hates us...terrible situation....my husband is disabled...no relatives...she has a lovely mentor....she is nice to her mentor....but nasty to us..any tips to help to sort out this situation would be greatly appreciated...
05-28-2018 07:31 PM
Just found this site and thread. My 15-year-old son has taken a very similar path...smoking, dope, staying out, missing school, grades down the pan.
Would not wish this on anyone else but it is heartening to know that it is not just us going through this.
I think we are now at the end of our tether. Been through different stages:
We are a stable, professional family and our son has never wanted for anything (maybe that's the problem??). Over the past year, he has gone from a loving little boy to a monster. He is rude, disobedient and smoking dope whenever he can get his hands on it.
Refuses any counselling and he is not bad enough for police to force him into help. Yet.
Part of me just wants to throw him out of the house but other part of me wants to reassure him that, no matter what, he has a home with us.
Just wanted to say that the posts here are heartbreaking but also reassuring...someone tell me that this is just a phase!
05-28-2018 10:52 PM
Hi @Jonty, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like the behaviour of your teen is really distressing and concerning for you. I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much. It can really take a toll on us when our children start to show risk-taking behaviour. It sounds like everyone is taking a lot of steps to try and control the situation, which is so difficult to do. It can be so challenging to try and understand why your teen is taking this path as it involves a whole lot of different factors and interactions between these.
It is also frustrating if your teen is refusing any help. It is also important to help yourself in distressing times too and this is something to keep in mind while trying to get a handle on the situation. We have information here at ReachOut which talks about balancing positive risk taking with negative risk taking which might be appropriate.
09-15-2018 11:19 AM
09-15-2018 04:56 PM
Hey @Mumsa welcome and your concerns sound valid, have you spoken to her at all regarding why she is so immersed her school work? Keen to hear a bit more about this.
09-18-2018 12:46 AM
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