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My son hates me

My son hates me

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Casual scribe

My son hates me

Hello,

I am so lost, I have been struggling for years now with my 17 year old son. We have both gone through a lot but he blames me for everything.

I cant talk to him at all about the simplest things without him telling me to f—off and leave him alone. Said I don’t care or love him he hates living with me but has nowhere else to go. Last night he blew up and ended up punching his mirror and cut his hand, he refused to go to hospital. So I had to go to the chemist and dress it myself.

He also finally admitted last night that he was depressed. I knew this has been the case but he has refused to let me get him help and is the first time he has said it to me.

I’m struggling so much right now there’s more to it but I’m to tired to type it all. I’m suffering my
Own mental health battles and I just don’t feel strong enough anymore. I don’t know what to do.

His school is probably going to ask him to leave soon because did his lack of attendance and school work. They asked me to get an appointment with his doctor which he didn’t want to do. But I made explained to him why he needed to have the appointment. His doctor is with headspace and they have booked him in now and are going to make a mental health plan.

I’m scared, I don’t know how to cope and deal with this before we make it to the appointment. And even then one appointment isn’t going to fix it.

I feel like we are both spiralling and struggling.
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Community Manager

Re: My son hates me

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Hi @Mel2020 , 

 

That sounds incredibly tough with your son, and it sounds like last night was a pretty awful one for you, it must have been terrible seeing him hurt himself like that and refuse medical treatment. Admitting he is depressed under all of that anger sounds like a pretty big step for him. I can hear how frustrating it must be for you to see him struggling, but not wanting to accept any help. 

 

You may have already seen these resources but I just thought I'd share it here in case it's helpful for you - we have some resources on ways to help teenagers through depression, this video is from an experienced psychologist with some things she's found helpful for families.

 

A lot of young people that we hear from have also used online services like eHeadspace - 

they offer one to one support online and on the phone, and for some people it can feel less confronting making contact online. You're right in that it isn't always a quick path through depression, but having him booked in to see someone is a great step in the right direction. You mentioned that he hasn't been going to school, is he still seeing friends, or working at the moment? 

 

I'm also wondering if you have any support for yourself at the moment? Parenting a kid who's going through depression can be a really tough gig, and it's easy to put our needs last as parents. We do have a one to one parents support service if you think it would be helpful to talk to someone about what you're going through, it's a free service available for any parent or carer. As a parent myself I I know how hard it can be to put yourself first, but it's so important to have support for yourself. 

 

Thinking of you -please keep us posted on how you're getting on. We have some other parents here who've been through some similar things with their teens and have come out the other side, I'll tag them so they can see your post.

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Casual scribe

Re: My son hates me

Janine,

Thank you so much for replying.

I haven’t had a chance to look at those resources yet I will check them now.

He isn’t working at the moment. He did have a job but wasn’t loving it so kind of let it go. He is still seeing a few friends.

I really don’t have anyone, family
Lives far from me. I see a counciler once a week which helps. But sometimes I wish I had more support. So I’ll definitely check out the parent support.

I just hope we can get through the other side with a relationship in tact. I don’t want to lose him.
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Community Manager

Re: My son hates me

Hi @Mel2020 ,

 

You sound like such a caring and supportive mum, and it must be such a helpless feeling to see your son in pain, but not yet being able to take the steps to seek help.  The fact that he has a stable and supportive parent in you is incredibly valuable and important, and even though he may not necessarily be grateful now for what you're doing for him, I think in time he probably will be. I can hear how much you value your relationship, and he's lucky to have you on his side. 

 

I hope you find the parent's support service helpful, and feel free to check in here any time - parenting can be a really tough gig, and you don't have to go through it alone. 

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