My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

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Active scribe

My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Today I discovered that my15yo daughter is sending very explicit photos to her boyfriend who is almost 17yo. I was checking her phone regularly because of concerns like this however I was advised by her psychologist not too. It was actually on my spare phone (that my youngest daughter had borrowed for a short period) where I found them. I was horrified at what I’d saw...This relationship has caused my wife and I so much grief, we’ve  tried so hard to end their relationship mainly due to the nature of it. And now this! I am so worried about where these photos could end up! Her face appears in most of them also. I haven’t shared my knowledge with anyone other than my wife.

Mod

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Hi @Dj1234 welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing with us. It is understandably a stressful time for you and your wife having discovered the explicit photos your daughter has been sending to her boyfriend. No parent wants to see their child behave this way. I'm wondering what conversations you and your wife have had with your daughter about the risk involved? It might also be good to do some research about the legalities of sending explicit photos and what this could also mean for the receiver? This may assist with her seeing the dangers involved. I'll also tag some of our other members for some further support and advice @taokat  @sunflowermom @Caz01 @Schooner

Active scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Thanks for your reply @Lan-RO. Both my wife and I have advised from about potential consequences with sending inappropriate photos from the first day that we aloud her to use social media and on many, many occasions since. I’m definitely interested in exploring the legal implications and whether the boyfriend could potentially face criminal charges whilst in possession of these photos once he turns 17.
Frequent scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Hi @ Dj1234 it sounds like a very stressful situation you and your family are in. Are you on speaking terms with your daughter at the moment? I understand that you don't want you daughter dating this guy but I think if you say she can't see him she will want to see him even more. Can I suggest that you try to have this guy over for dinner etc and speak to him about the photos and get him to delete them in front of you and also ask if he has shared these photos and to whom and which platform. It's going to take a lot of strength on your part to do this calmly but the sooner the better and if they have been shared speak to the relevant people on how to remove the photos. Unfortunately this sexting is very common among teens though that doesn't make it any easier when it's your daughter involved. Good luck
Active scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Hi @Caz01, yes it sure has been a stressful time over the last year and half since they started dating. We have come to realise that trying to split them up just makes them more determined. We had him over for dinner for the first time roughly 3 weeks ago which seemed to go well. The images were sent through fb messenger and possibly saved on multiple platforms. I've caught him out blatantly lying on multiple occasions (daughter also). He definitely wouldn't admit to sharing these images with anyone.
Active scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

@Caz01Yes we are on speaking terms btw but since my knowledge of the photos, I am unable to hide my disappointment and sadness and I’m really struggling to be able to talk to her.

Community Manager

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

This is quite a challenging situation to work through @Dj1234 and it's understandable that you may be feeling disappointed or sad. While I don't want to excuse the behaviour in any way, perhaps putting yourself in your daughters place may help to understand the behaviour a little more?

 

Smartphones and technology have really changed the way we communicate, particularly with dating and I feel like I can appreciate the pressure or expectations teens may be under to engage in sexting. Particularly, as a photo can be shared in less than 30 secs, which may be before a teen has been able to fully think through the repercussions of sending out an image of themselves?

 

It sounds like you've spoken to your daughter about the consequences (personal and legal) of sharing sexually explicit images however I have found a couple of Reachout articles which you may also find helpful?

 

Talking to Teens about Sexting

Learn about Sexting and Online Sexual Behaviour

 

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Frequent scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

Hey @Dj1234 it's good you and your daughter are speaking as it's half the battle with teenagers I think. I agree with Erin RO things have certainly changed since we were younger in relation to social media it was non existent. Maybe wait until things cool off for a while before talking about it again with your daughter. Can you ignore this for a while as it may be a phase she is going through? Sometimes as a parent I'm finding when I speak/lecture/ nag less is more.
Active scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

@Erin-RO Hi, I’m trying to justify in my mind how my daughter could put herself in this vulnerable position but I can’t. She knows the risks associated with it which I have explained to her on more than one occasion. She’s such a high achiever academically and also in performing arts yet she’s struggled with her self-esteem and insecurities for a long time which I’m sure has a lot to do with it.

Active scribe

Re: My suspicions are confirmed and I’m very worried.

@Erin-RO and @Caz01 I agree on how social media has impacted on society most specially on our younger generation. I know for a fact that instagram played its role with my daughters insecurities. The links you shared @Erin-RO has given me a better perspective of our situation. Thank you..