Need help now?

New partner and mortgage question

Discussion forum for parents in Australia

New partner and mortgage question


New partner and mortgage question

Hi there, I am wondering if anyone has any opinions or insight on my new situation.

I am a single mom of a 7 year old. Making about $40,000 a year and with that came living arrangements that were paid for as part of my job.

I started dating my new SO back in the fall (known him for years). He was in process of splitting up with his GF who had bought a house together a year previous and had a lengthy relationship.

I had been on my own previous to this not dating or really even looking when he start perusing me. I made very clear I wasn’t really looking and wanted to take things slow as I have a kid who I don’t want to keep introducing and then moving on again if it doesn’t work.

He split with the gf and kept pushing to peruse me. We are a good “match” in that he is very family orientated as am I, and has a passion for farming. We do get along very well. I continued to keep my apartment as t was rent free, close to my child’s school and we were comfortable there. He began trying to get us to come stay with him because he had a now empty house, in which he was paying mortgage on himself.
We began to stay there sometimes on weekends around Christmas time. I didn’t want to commit to anything because my living arrangements were great where I was , although far away from most things.

Fast forward to February , he popped the question asked me to
Marry him. I was shocked and didn’t really know what to do. So I said yes, thinking this is unbelievable someone loves me this much. Pretty well right after he started in how he wanted us to move in with him. We began to slowly move our stuff. At which point he said it would be a lot easier if we shared the mortgage on the house. And bills etc.

I had been buying all food for house at this point already, doing all the cOoking and cleaning, helping wirh his barn chores when he was busy with work.
I began to pay half of his mortgage. Each month sending him $800 anmonth plus half of the heat and light bill ($100). Plus all of our food.

I do
Have a horse I am able to keep at his farm, and do not need to buy hay for it but I do all the work, plus more.

I guess I am feeling now like, I am being used, and thus mortgage that he got with his EX is an expense that I am not really
Able to
Afford. I am finding myself living pay chq to pay chq and no money for anything extra.

What would you guys do?
He got the mortgage and qualified to take it on his own from his Ex.... but expects that now I will take on half of the expenses to help him.

Parent/Carer Community Champion

Re: New partner and mortgage question

Hey @singlemom11 ,


Thanks for sharing!


Have you had a conversation with him about how you are feeling?

Star contributor

Re: New partner and mortgage question

Hi @singlemom11 and welcome to ReachOut Parents!


It sounds like a difficult position you are in at the moment. Unfortunately we can't offer financial advice about the mortgage, but we can definitely be a listening ear Heart


How is your child finding living in the new home? You have also mentioned taking on a lot of responsibilities around the house, is this a conversation you have had together?


With so much change these last 6 months, I am wondering what your support system is like outside of your relationship? Do you have any supportive friends or family in your life, and what are their thoughts on the situation?


We are always here to lend an ear Heart


Check out our community activities calendar here