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Not sure what to do

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Not sure what to do

My daughter is 18 and has been at uni for a year which she failed due to laziness and not handing assigments up on time. She intends going back but I think she is doing it because she can get youth allowance while she's there and doesn't have to do anything else. She sleeps all day and stays up all night watching you tube and has no interest in anything else. I've tried to talk to her but she wont talk about it and then refuses to answer me at all. She wont look for part time work and wont do anything around the house. I'm completely lost how to handle it.
Prolific scribe

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @Luna20 welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear you've been having a difficult time with your daughter. I'm wondering if there might be someone else that she might be comfortable talking to about it? Perhaps another family member or a counsellor? I'm going to tag some members for further advice and support @sunflowermom @taokat @Schooner @Mumof1. We're here to listen and support you. 

Prolific scribe

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @Luna20,

Well, teenagers. Hard work in my experience. 


I don't have the magic answer. Mine have all needed a bit of a push from time to time. Some of them have also shown that behaviour as part of a serious mental health issue. So, a bit of balance and care has been required, plus guesswork and stress on my part.


I don't know what your daughter's situation is, but withdrawing from life can be a symptom of mental health issues. Before you do anything dramatic I you might consider that. Headspace can help (mixed results in my house, but worth a try). GP can help, etc.


If you are happy with the mental health aspect, WiFi is a powerful motivator, at least in my house. Watching youtube at night can be controlled by the person who has the WiFi password- turn it off at 11 pm...whatever you think is the right time. Prepare for a backlash on that. You can take that further: you want WiFi? Get a job and pay for it. We (as parents) are not required to give our adult offspring WiFi. Yes, I am a grumpy old dinosaur. You could even use WiFi to get her to headspace. 


I'm also a great believer in the value of good sleep and a good diet. You probably buy the groceries for her, so you can control what she eats to some extent. If my kids want to fill up on Pringles and Pepsi they can buy them themselves. 


Before you do anything dramatic you might want to have a chat with her and tell her. Treat her like the adult she is. You are worried about her, and want to do the right thing, and want her to be happy, but you can see she is not. You might tell her you are making some changes, not to punish her, but to help her.  


Good luck Luna


Parent/Carer Community Champion

Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @Luna20

I know this is a difficult time for you.  I am sorry.  As parents its tough to try and figure out the next step when nothing seems to be going right.  I can totally relate.

I loved @Schooners advice about the WiFi.  We keep the box in our room and turn it off when we think its times.  Especially if my daughter is not following through on her part of the agreement.

Does your daughter have a future plan?  Is this something you have sat down and discussed?  The idea of some counseling just to see where she is at and rule out mental health issues is also a good idea.

Hang in there....sometimes its one day at a time.