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One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

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Casual scribe
Kenji

One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

My partner and i have been together for almost 3 years now my partner has a 10 year old girl and a 7 year old boy to a previous partner. Although these children are not his biological children the kids are un aware of this and live in permanent care with my partners parents. He also has a 4 year old daughter to a different ex-partner whom lives with us full time. I also have a 13 year old boy and 10 year old daughter. In october last year my partner and i had a baby boy. 

At first our 10 year old daughters got along amazing they were like best friends. it wasnt long till jealousy kicked in which was clearly going to happen at some stage. My stepdaughter was having a birthday party and she invited my kids and 4 year old. But the mother in-law uninvited my kids myself and my partner because my children apparently get enough attention and the attention was to be on her and not them. and since this there has been a steep decline. We try to include the kids as much as we can but we have to call and ask permission to have them which is quite often shut down because the kids have something else on or are going to there mums (whom is like my best friend we get along fantastic). My partner is always getting talked about in front of the kids saying things like he has to many children and he doesnt make time for the other kids and even went as far as suggesting he stay at his parents house every second weekend rather than allowing us to try and make all of them like there equal. 10 year old step daughter bullies my daughter because of this she writes horrible things on her social media (which i dont believe she is old enough to be using) her friends have sent my daughter messages telling her to do horrible things and for no other reason than she has jealousy towards her. Ive sat my daughter down and tried to explain that the step daughter has these feelings because you live with her dad and she lives with her grandparents and in some way feels like your somewhat replacing. And just having to constantly reassure her that shes done nothing wrong. 

So my in-laws have somewhat of a grudge we'll say against me because i have questioned there parenting and morals. My niece had told me that my step daughter was talking to boys on the internet and snapchat not boys she knew but strangers. So i confiscated her ipad while she was over and had a look through it and what i found was beyond anything anyone could of ever imagined. She was chatting to strangers on a forum which i had never heard of before. When i raised this with the in-laws the response was shes not getting the attention she wants at home so shes taking risks on the internet and is entitled to her own privacy!! PRIVACY???? 10 year olds dont have privacy. So from this apparently all i do is cause trouble and make everything difficult. They invite my partner and our baby over for dinner not myself, my children or there 4 year old granddaughter. They pretty much act like her and my kids dont exist. 

I'm honestly at the point and as bad as it sounds i dont want my step daughter around my children. I dont want my kids to think its ok for people to treat you like that or that its ok to treat others that way. I dont know if my kids are going to be in danger to these predators on the internet. The jealousy she has towards my daughter how do i know she wont purposely put her in danger..

I actually feel so horrible am i doing the right thing not having her here?

Is that to harsh? ive tried everything but shes just allowed to do whatever she wants on her devices. 

i dont know what other option i have...

 

Community Manager
Philippa-RO

Re: One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

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Hi @Kenji and welcome to the forums - we're so glad you reached out here for support.
I wanted to let you know that I edited some parts of your post in accordance with our guidelines

 

This sounds like a very complicated and stressful situation - can I ask how your partner feels about it all - is he supportive?
Do you think he would be willing to talk to his parents in the hope of resolving things?

If it's beyond that point, do you think something like mediation would be helpful?

The safety issues with regard to his daughter do sound very concerning.
I wanted to let you know we're going to send you an email today - please keep an eye out for that.

We're here for you any time you need to talk.

Casual scribe
Kenji

Re: One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

I've definitely passed on all concerns about this to the correct authorities.
My partner has tried to talk to his parents it's like fighting a never ending battle because the second we say anything its like my partner is punished by him not being allowed to have the children come and stay. But if we don't say anything than I don't want them coming to stay because the behaviour is unacceptable.
Due to the children being in permanent care we actually can't take them to mediation and they do not have to allow us to see them at all
Mod
Taylor-RO

Re: One big blended family with In-laws and step chilren that are impossibe

Hi @Kenji, that is good to know that you have passed this information onto the relevant authorities. It sounds like you are in a difficult position where each decision has a negative impact for you and your family. What does your partner think you should do next, given that there are some things that you have already both tried? Based off what you have mentioned, it seems very clear that you do not want your children to be continued to be exposed to this behaviour. How can you go about this?

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