Put son into care because of his behaviour but enjoying it with out him

[Kerry36]

Hey there well my son went into care last week (he’s 15) and I’m really enjoying not living with him. Like I am free without the stress and am able to see my friends often. Also I have a lot extra money to treat my self to my nails and things like that. I was just wondering though is it ok if I feel like this ? Thx comments are really appreciated xxx

[Lola-RO]

Hi @Kerry36, I imagine you're feeling a lot of complex emotions right now.  It doesn't seem unreasonable at all that one of those is relief.  

Have you been in contact with your son since he's been in care?  Do you know how he is managing?

[Kerry36]

No I haven’t been in contact with him since because I’d rather not be I think it’s better that way and ye it is complex I suppose xx

[jdbza]

Kerry36 I completely relate to what you are saying. My niece has been away for about 3 months and will be returning home next Friday. When we haven’t been with DoCS, police, scholar medical appointments to do with her I have really enjoyed my quiet time and not doing the school run etc. I am worried about losing the time when she returns. On one hand I am desperate to hang onto the ‘me time’ I have found and on the other I feel guilty that I enjoy the time I have to myself. While my niece has been away we have seen her sporadically and for the first 2 weeks we didn’t see her at all. We are going to give her returning home our all, however if it breakdown again we will go to the NZ Courts to ask for the custody and guardianship orders to be terminated. With her being 15 there is only so much we can do the rest she has to do herself. It’s awful when you get to the point where you have to say I’ve reached my limit and I’m unable to do anymore. I always thought showing your child unconditional love was enough after raising our 6 older children. The youngest is 22 and the oldest 39. It has taken having my niece living with us to teach me that unconditional love for some kids is not enough. After being through what you have you will need to take time to heal, to find yourself again and to re-build your mental health. One day you might be in a place to reconnect your son. I have been learning to not listen to people’s judgment of our situation and have surrounded myself with friends who are supportive. They are there for the good days, the days where I feel like hiding because I can’t cope and the horrid ones when I am in a dark pit. I don’t have family that I can turn to as they are too toxic and to protect my mental health I have needed to put in some firm boundaries so our friends support means everything to us.

[gina-Ro]

first of all @Kerry36 thank you for sharing this with us - sounds like you've got some complex feelings going on. 

I don't know your full situation, but from what you've said, it sounds like you're putting the interests and wellbeing of your son first, which is the most important thing to consider. 
Your energy levels, and ability to cope with whatever struggles have presented in caring for your son, are also super important - not just because they impact on your ability to care for your son and therefore his wellbeing, but because your wellbeing is also important. 

You understand the situation best as you are the one in it everyday, so I would just recommend that you keep in touch with your professional supports - whoever they may be - to make sure you are looking after your son and yourself in the best way 

[gina-Ro]

thanks for sharing @jdbza  - you've got so much on your plate, and it really does sound like you're doing an awesome job of managing it all. I like what you've said about surrounding yourself with supportive people and looking after your own mental health. So important.  

[sylvia]

Hello darl

[sylvia]

Hello   darl   

I   feel for  you...it  must have  been unbearable  for  you   and  what you  feel now    is relief....try   to make him understand   why it happened...you are a human too   after  all..I  hope it will  work out...

[William10]

Hi, this is my first time on here, I’m at my wits end,
My eldest is 16 and half, I’ve been living a night mare! He was always good at school got good GCSEs but now is not in education and not working, he had always been hard work, he has no respect and is very aggressive, long story short, I had to kick him out 4 weeks due to him being really aggressive, called the police! He had been living wiv my mum ana dad since, but his been stealing money off but the last straw was my mum caught him joyriding her car!!! We didn’t even realise he could drive!! And it’s a 4x4 car not a little car!!! His attitude was.... I can drive what’s your problem!! He really doesn’t think his done any thing wrong!! I’m having to call the social services in the morning because he will be homeless. Please I’m begging for help

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @William10, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing that with us. It sounds like a really difficult time for your family. Are there any other services that you are involved with? It must be really challenging to know what to do next. Has social services been involved previously?

Just so you know, we are an Australian based service although you are more than welcome to continue posting and receiving support. Just keep in mind that any referrals we offer may be unsuitable given you are not in Australia.