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Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

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Sammeebee

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi, I'm Sam, I googled my issue and this was the first website to come up. I've browsed a few members comments and reaslised this is a great forum. My boys are 16 (and a half) and 13. I'm a single mum after the rather sudden death of the love of my life and the boys' Dad 5 and a half years ago. It's been an incredible learning curve but fortunately we live in an old fashioned part of the world having moved from London to the outskirts of Sydney where kids are much freer than in the city and the community is loving and supportive. Generally my kids are fantastic young men! Just recently, however, my older son, who's always been an internal kind of guy (unlike his expressive and "heart on his sleeve" bro) has started to show disrespect for me. I thought I had self respect from all the personal development courses I've done, although I know it's an ongoing journey(!!) and I'm a great believer in life "out there" mirroring your inner self. But I'm struggling with this one. I understand he's maturing and trying to find his place in the world but why does he have to be so rebellious to make his mark. I don't want to just lie down and take it, I want to be heard as much as he does! I just wanted family time at dinner and he wanted to have his phone out at the dinner table! I told him to put it away and that was the beginning of the drama!! Anyway, it leaves me feeling alone and sad knowing how much i love him but how little he realises. People say that boys come back to you in their 20's.... well, without wanting to wish my life away I'm beginning to look forward to that day when.......... ! 

Parent/Carer Community Champion
gina-Ro

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @Sammeebee and a big welcome to our forum! 
Really glad you found us and decided to join Heart

Thank you for sharing some of your story - sounds like it's been a long road, difficult and rewarding. So much respect and admiration for you raising your two boys after the loss of your partner, with such wisdom and persistence. - I may be bias but good choice on moving to Sydney Smiley Wink 

I'm sorry to hear that you're starting to see your 16 year old disrespect you - it must be confusing and painful ... I know that it is common around that age and many other share similar things on the forum, but it doesn't make it any easier! 

I'm hoping some of the other parents will jump in to give you their support and insights - If you don't might I'm going to move your post to it's own thread so that it can get more attention Smiley Happy

Active scribe
Sammeebee

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @gina-Ro,
Thank you so much for your supportive and encouraging reply 😃. I really appreciate it. All good moving my post to a new thread. Obviously I’ve heard of teens who regularly behave disrespectfully which so far hasn’t been the case but it’s come as such a shock to hear him say things like he doesn’t want to be a part of this family anymore. I read in one of the posts from a mother who sounded very self-aware, that after a similar drama to mine she apologised to her son saying she realises he’s now a young adult and she will address him differently in future. I thought that was very a mature and authentic approach. I may give it a go 😊! Thanks again.
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Lan-RO

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @Sammeebee thank you for sharing and reaching out to us. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your partner that would have been a very difficult time. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job raising your boys Heart. Teenage years can definitely be trying times as kids start to show their independence and appear to identify more with their peers. I'm sorry to hear you felt alone when this was happening, we're here to listen and support you. Self-care is important during this time, what are some ways you can look after yourself? I'm going to tag some of our members for some support and advice on this too @taokat @Happy @Tulip @Tully99

Active scribe
Sammeebee

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @Lan-RO,

Thanks for your support and care, it makes a real difference. A way to care for myself is to  spend time with great friends either to talk things through or just chat about other stuff. I love movies too so I can easily get lost in the make believe or based on real facts stories. I tend to overthink things so I'm better off escaping rather than analysing the situation too much. Do you have any other suggestions ?

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