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Re: how to help and adult child

Discussion forum for parents in Australia

Re: how to help and adult child

Prolific scribe

Re: how to help and adult child

@candidgazelle I feel for your daughter. I was in a very similar situation to her when I was at the age of 19. I stayed at home a lot despite my parents encouraging me to do things that kids my age would do. I had finished high school with exceptional grades and had been accepted in to 3 universities - I turned them all down as it would mean me having to leave my family and begin in a new town with new people. They even made my next door neighbour (who was 60 yrs old) invite me to the drive ins so I would be out of the house.  How could I turn an old lady down? Anyway yes I felt very depressed and I knew I should be doing something but at the same time I couldnt bring myself to do it. Then for some reason, one day life just changed. I was never on medication or never saw a counsellor. My parents just kept encouraging me to try some things. They kept loving me and talking to me and never ever judged me. I started a degree..dropped out. Started another and dropped out and eventually got through my degree! 

My son is also very shy - like extremely shy. Hes 17 and he spends loads of time in his room when not at school He does very little other interaction. He is happy though but inside I can tell he has a lot going on - stress wise.

Perhaps, like my parents did, you can just ask her to do small tasks that at least make her feel useful around the house..just little things and thank her for saving you the time and make her help feel like shes a valuable member of the family. I will never forget, when I was 19 and going through the no job, no education depressed stage, my Mum used to get me to hang out the washing, do the dishes, get the meat out to thaw for dinner and then I remember how proud and valued I felt when I heard her say to her friend one day,

"Yes, I will miss having her (me) around the house as she did so much to help while I (her) was at work". 

Just love your daughter and never judge her... please keep in touch. And remember, we all have our own clocks. She will come round in her own time.

Casual scribe

Re: how to help and adult child

Thank you for your comments @hippychick, they are comforting to hear someone has gone through what she is going through and moved on. Thank you so much!